part i.
this was the first.
i ached for you to grow a backbone
as strong as the one
you always pretended to have.

you crushed the positivity and optimism
i falsely provided
in hopes you would find it comfortable.
it was never comfortable.

your mother peaked over you shoulder
to ensure you left me.

you made me stop smoking
but i never really did.
it felt like a dream beneath parking lot lights
as the smoke filled my lungs.

at least now i’m free.
does this mean i can **** other people?

part ii.
it was the summertime
your breath was as hot as the pavement
i willingly put my barefeet on
to meet you by the curb

you were at the beach
sober
i was in my bed
drunk.

you talked about faith
and constant comparison
of who you are and who you were
nothing was good enough for you.

i had no intentions of hurting you
letting you cry into the sand
next to a person who didn’t even know my name
but intentions aren’t always executed

i ripped your love from my chest
and tossed it to the side.

part iii.
it only took three months.
if i had to prioritize the losses of that winter
you are not ranked number one
not even number two.

i did not cry for you
it made me sick
you made me sick.

i clang to a bottle of whiskey
sulking in regret
but not for you
it was never for you.

i thought about your father
the way he exuded disappointment
the first time we met.
it was almost a game to me.

i thought about your mother
i imagine she cried and cried and cried
reminding you of who you were
to anchor you to the picturesque daughter
she had always dreamed of.

i thought about your brother
he was a joke to me.
the stature of a man
with the demeanor of a child.

we were never going to last forever
not even in my best dreams.

part iv.
this one was the worst.
it hurt the most.
i don’t think you cared.

why are you here

your main talent was making me feel
unloved
unimportant
unwanted
i don’t know why i stuck around

this one hurt the most.
forced conversation reminded me
we don’t have enough in common
and you’re not that interesting.

i knew everything about you
while you didn’t know me
how was i the person you loved
when you didn’t know me

why do you even want to stay
just go home.

part v.
this was the end.
finally.
i wanted to call you a liar
and tell you i never really trusted you
but i held it in

i don’t think i was in love with you
not anymore
not the way i used to be
not the way i wanted to be
not the way i pretended to be.

you always should have known
i wouldn’t be the person
you could live the rest of you life with
you never stay with your first.
i knew that in the beginning.

maybe we’ll get back together in the future
or maybe i’ll never hear from you again.