what upsets me the most
is that if i died
she would not miss me as much
as i do with her.

she would have a boyfriend to run to,
a family to hold,
friends to support,
an education to enjoy,
life to behold.

all the things,
that now mourn her.

i started this book,
asking for pain,
not knowing what was in store.

i have felt hell ten times over
doing what i can, to numb the pain.
i have failed you.
i have cried in a crowded room,
and now cannot
shed a single tear within my own body.

see winter in your eyes
such beauty and purity in a holy body

but i was the fire you could never hold
left to crash and burn
in the rooms we occupied,
the space we filled.

so is this the end?
maybe, yes, no.

i will never know.
no yes, i know.

she is what dictates this pen.
she is who decides if this is the beginning or end.

she still exists,
i see her on this page.
i feel her in my eyes.
i see her glow at night.

she is my life

she is my love

she IS life