To all of you who thought
I took it like a champ
I didn't

I cried like a child
I drank like a fish

I clung to ideas
That couldn't hold up the weight
Of my curiosity
I looked for easy ways out
I begged God to make things
the way they were before
To change my past

I searched and found all my flaws
And tried to **** them
To be good enough
To be what I used to be

I crawled and moped
And blamed myself for everything
While being hardly able to do anything
but sleep

When you saw me
You saw an actor
So unsure of his role
That he hammed it up

Every smile, display of happyness
The mirror reaction
To the true inside death

I was not okey
I was not a champ
I was alone for the first time
Since I was a boy