Dear God,
Do you know how much
I wish that
That's not true?

We're going back and forth.
With music.
With songs that mean something to us.
I opened up about my fear
Of losing my mom
With a song by the Wonder Years.

I just sent you a song that makes me think of you
(When your Heart Stops Beating by +44)
And a song that hits me a little too hard
(Jesus Christ by Brand New).

He says "My bright is too slight to hold back all this dark"
And I'm so scared that's true.
What if it's true?

The fear eats me up at night,
In my nightmares.
When I wake up in cold sweats,
Crying.
Screaming.

I just want the guilt to stop.

But the sun the peers out
From behind the clouds,
And all of a sudden
I'm okay.

Because you want to know
Or because I know I'm okay.

I don't need to think about it.
My past isn't my future.
My guilt doesn't define me.

And it's twisted and it's ******,
But I'm just learning to convince myself that all
The people that have left and that all the harm done unto me,
Wasn't a result of some fault of mine.

It's hard to extract and tear and rip guilt
From your system.
It leaves you with some scrapes and bruises.

I'm listening to more Modern Baseball.
My favorite album, it's called "Sports".

"You've got a certain who-knows-what about you."

I don't want it to be like the song that line is from.

Why is music making me so nervous?