“I want to live for myself.”*
And you guessed it right.
This was me, before I met you.

Always wanting to be busy
To avoid all kinds of thoughts
That could devour me at night
Swallowing every bit of what I deemed right
And not knowing how to keep everything in sight.

I start my day with the usual waking up routine
Eyes opened at 5:15 to take a cold bath
Wanting to wake myself up. Or was I really awake?
For goodness’ sake, I had no idea
What was going on in my head
Keeping myself always on the edge
This was me, before I met you.

“Never will I meet someone
Who won’t get me hurt.”
And on and on and on it goes
With my mind, slowly killing
My deepest sense of who I really am.
What am I to myself
When all I could see
Is not being the person
In the mirror of my soul?

But, on that day,
It was different for me.
You were with an old friend
Reality was bent, for I had the chance
The opportunity of a lifetime
To meet that girl
Who only gave me one word answers
An awkward and shy person
Who happened to be a dancer.
This is the start of a new friendship.

Fast forward to next week
The month of November
So full of surprises
My friend gave me a pass
To a debut and alas, you were there too.
Didn’t have any intentions to pursue
But why was my attention always directed to you?
I attempted to relay my emotion through the phone call of the
Devotion that my old friend had for you, but
Looks like my world developed a deeper sense of purpose.
This was me after meeting you.

Another week has passed and a blockmate wrote me on the guest list.
The night was going well
When suddenly
A person enters the room
The room remained dark, but my world was shone a show of light.
Two stars aligned and in between, was your nose.
I couldn’t believe it. Why was I feeling this way?
At the end of the day, I couldn’t listen to the ways of my
Heart. It’s because you had a heart
For someone else.
But, “the heart has its own reasons that reason cannot understand.”
Why did Blaise Pascal have to word it so beautifully?
And to top it all off, why’d you have to be so beautiful?

I was about to go home alone, when you offered me a ride.
Initially, I waved a goodbye, but you wouldn’t let me slide
This opportunity to get to know you more.
So, you brought me home and before you dropped me off,
With those sleepy eyes accompanied by the soft soothing sound of your voice, you said,
“Good night.”
And in that moment,
I knew I was in love with you.

This is now me and will always be me
Because there is no day in my life now
That I am not changed
And it is only everyday in my world that
My love grows for you.