It seems that my heart is made to be tortured;
It always fell into people who don't understand.
It seems my joy is in not knowing,
Because pain is the only thing I get.
I'm ashamed of my words.
I'm ashamed of myself.
I'm ashamed of my thoughts.
I'm ashamed of my heart.
I never get to say what I want to say,
I never get to say a truth,
Because once I do, all will change;
I'll lose the ones I love;
Though they don't love me that much.
It's hard to be different,
Knowing that all you hold on to will let you go,
Knowing that you're not yourself anymore.
I can't stretch enough what I want to shout.
Instead I write words that don't make sense.
At least in nonsense, I find myself.
I want to leave it all behind.
I want to find the things that make me smile again.
I want to find true people.
I want to find, me.

**But that'll never happen.