My glass is half-full but I know where I'm coming from
how does time fly - it seems to when you're having fun
it's a game of two halves and I'm good in the second
I could have done better but still won I reckoned

I tried to second-guess but didn't come off best
you wish, in your dreams and all the rest
I've tried so hard but not in my back yard
how do I look - not too good in the leotard

I'm watching Peter Kay - what does that guy say?
by the time he get's to The Phoenix - they'll be closed, hey!
what you need is a make-over - so I had one
I looked like botoxed ******* when it was done

I've been compromised, unrecognized and my jewels
are oversized - I didn't ask to be circumsised