Sitting, staring, suffocating
always feeling so alone.
Words echo in your head
haunting memories tantalize.
Always feeling nervous
or to self-conscious.
Worried of what others think
and say about you.
Words hurt and ****
seeming everytime you get
back up.
You get knocked down.
Again!
Eventually it starts to hurt
especially when your family
joins in.
I seek help!
Calling!
Shouting!
Crying out!
But no one listens
or helps...
When I eventully do get help
it seems like they never listen
or care.
But when they do start caring
i get back stabbed.
Thought I could trust them…
They say they understand
But they dont!
Never will!
Until they experience it for themselves.
Feeling so alone
scared and helpless and alone
laying on the floor
as the blood trickles down
down
down
Seeming it wont stop
But eventually it does.
Thoughts so vile enter my mind
and thats when i cry
letting it out
After years of holding it in
No one understands.
Will ever understand.
Suicide and the knife
Was calling my name…
But i dont seek the courage
and that makes me cry harder.
Thats when i find myself falling asleep
Deeper
Deeper
into the nightmares that taunt me.
Of being *****
Sexually abused
Physically abused
Emotionally abused
Bullied…
I just couldnt take it anymore.
No longer without my sister,
my best friend for life
who died in my arms earlier on.
So much blood
So
So much blood.
It wouldnt stop
wouldnt stop!
Ive lost so much courage
Thought i was strong.
Cant take it anymore.
life is hell
Judgemental
Misfits.
I dont belong
And never will.
Am i good enough?
No im not!
I use to be able to ignore it
use to
but its hard
Easier said than done.
From the time i wake up
Til i go to bed
It follows me
Like a lost puppy.
Im lost in hope
without friends
Or family
Or a mother.
just a father who took me
away from my mother
Cause cps came and
took me away
From my mommy.
i was scared
Confused
Didnt know what she was doing to me
Was wrong.
I was so young
still coping with the loss
Of my grandmother
And my dog
Who were killed right in front of me.
i didnt know any better.
Was so little and frail
And young.
But the past doesnt matter anymore
Or the present
only the future…
Depression
depression
Depression
deep in my bones
And my veins
And feel it in my pulse
And the beat of my heart.
adrenaline kicks in.
More crying
And feeling alone.
Always shuting the outside world
Out!
Not letting any one in
To see the real me
Cause shes gone
its hard to find her
wish i could find her.
Shes lost
like i am now
Always eating to much
or going days without eating.
Too much or too little sleep.
always exhausted.