MCMLXXXI

Turning point

It was the day that changed my reputation
And my teachers’ descriptions of me
From “Jim is a natural leader”
To “Jim likes to keep to himself”
It had to do with my ego
It had to do with my not wanting to eat dirt;
Wanting to save face...

In conversation around the 4th grade lunch table, the topic turned from jokes and laughing to a rating of who was tough and who was not. Alex steered it thus...and at this point, Alex and Albert were doing the talking.

"I could totally kick THAT kid's ***", said Alex.   "And probably that dude's too.  He looks like a spaz".

"Just don't mess with Big Ben or he might sit on you", said Al, trying as always to get a laugh at someone else's expense.
"You know I could kick Jim's ***.  
...Right Jim? Right, you little *****? Heh heh."

"I dunno." I say with a shrug.

"Say it.  ...SAY IT."

"...Say what?"

"Say it! Say that you know I could kick your ***", said Alex with a yellow grin.

"What does it matter? This is stupid.", I say.

"Say it", says Alex, with his best mad face..."Say that I could kick your ***.  You know I can."

"I don't know that."

"Then I guess I will have to show you", Alex sneered.  And he proceeded to tell me how he was going to come to my house and beat the living **** out of me.  

"Whatever", said I.

The day went on and, believe it or not, I forgot all about his threat.  I thought I was past it.

Well, later that day, after I was home for a while, the doorbell rang.  I was a latch key kid, and home alone.  
I had put the whole confrontation out of my mind, so for a moment, I was surprised to see Alex on the front stoop when I opened the door...

He taunted me.  He did the old fakeout punch and I flinched big time.  I instinctively tried to block with my foot, and then he said, "oh, so you're trying to kick me now?", and he pushed his way in, grabbed me by both wrists, and pulled me out onto the front lawn.  

He straddled me and punched me. Mostly in the chest...but also got a few groin punches in...to let me know he wasn't afraid to fight *****.  I was pinned and couldn't do much.  That's what made me angriest.  My helplessness in the face of this evil bully, grinning with delight at the pain he could inflict.

And here, the story gets worse.  When I was able to get away, I ran for the front door to hopefully get in and lock him out.  Unfortunately, he was on my heels and pushed his way into the house.  

And just at the point where he was literally rubbing my head against the stucco wall just inside the front door...my MOM WALKED IN.

****.  

THAT made it FAR worse.

The worst possible ending as far as a kid's reputation is concerned.  Mom grabbed Alex by the neck and put him out on his ear.

After that I had to endure, of course, the taunts of "hey look it's Jimmy...he has his Mama fight his battles for him."...beautiful.  Just wonderful.  

I got past it eventually, of course, but this episode had forever changed something in me.  My demeanor changed.  My love of my fellow man was reduced ...and I was much more focused on SELF...on navigating the social workings of elementary school unscathed.

Alex, as it turned out, had a tough family life.  Single Mom, and an older brother that beat the **** out of him regularly.  Al's home life wasn't great either, I guess.  It was that humor that grows out of pain that drew me to them in the first place.  
I've always been drawn to sources of laughter...it's a primal desire to laugh and to elicit laughter.  I've even read that monkeys have been known to tickle their children just like humans do.  

It seemed Al's humor was always at someone else's expense...and Alex had this need for power- due to his complete lack of any at home.

I like to think that I got it back, my love for my fellow man...at least  for the most part...but every now and then I catch myself saying, "look at THIS *******", and in my head categorizing folks who I perceive to have wronged me in some small way as "Alex Smith Types".  
Al is now a doctor. He's helping people daily.  
I often wonder what ever happened to Alex.  I have no idea how he turned out or what ever happened to him.  

Through grit teeth, I wish him well...the ***** *******.