Letting go of your daddy’s hand to chase after butterflies is easy.
Letting go of your mommy’s leg to run to the school bus is easy.
Letting go of the monkey bars is easy.
Letting go of a ball after you throw it is easy.
Letting go of the hand of someone you loved so deeply so quickly is devastating.  
Letting go of you was never that easy.


I loved you so quickly and trusted you so blindly. I can’t even fault you or be angry with you leaving. You never asked me to care but I did. It was like one moment you were there and we were happy and smiling…. then next I was sitting in my room. Alone. Confused. Used tissues surrounding me and my eyes clouded with tears. I listened to all the music you sent me and sometimes I can’t even believe that you meant the promises of being a favorite.

Devasted.
Broken.
Embarrassed.
Ashamed of myself for letting someone so close far too quickly. You promised me you were different but it all ended the way I am used too.

I thought I couldn’t do it. I thought I would be stuck on that kid with that **** snap back forever. I thought that I would get married to him and maybe have a future. Just maybe because there was such optimism in his voice when he said those words to me that I actually started to believe them.

I don’t hate myself for it. I don’t hate you for it.

I saw her Facebook the other day. “In a relationship” is usually the knife in the chest… it stung a little, but I think what bothered me the most was that the boy with the tattoos that made me all of these promises threw them in the trash. I think what hurts the most is having no closure. Abrupt endings hurt the worst when you have to rip your ties free of that person and try to fix the frayed ends. I was ****** and hated her… but then I realized I don’t hate her. I am actually really happy for her… and you because hopefully this is different for you. Because you deserve to be happy. Because I want her to be happy. But most of all because I deserve to be happy. There is no room in my heart for bitterness. I don’t deserve to be stomped on. Mostly because I forgive you and it is time to start moving on to a life I deserve.

I deserve to be the light that warms the room. I deserve to be the wind that freely travels the world. I deserve to be a free spirit. I deserve to experience love without fear of the past. I deserve to have a bright contagious smile and laugh and chase after the people who will better my life.

I never thought I would get to this part but I am still learning. Learning how to trust. Learning how to study. Learning how to interact with others. But mostly learning to let go of those who willingly leave my life.  

I am learning but I still have a long way to go. At least I can say that the pain of learning has never made me happier. So this is me… still learning to let go.