If I were watching you now sat at your lap desk bare and clinical like your sharp eyes, if I were watching you now I think I would look right into you and I would see the war scars that you buried in orderly dysfunction and raging fits of tidiness, I don't think you walked away from those burning screaming German towns bearing your name. You ran. you ran hard. back to your horses and simple fields, back to a life that was entirely too chaotic in its gentleness.