the nights i sacrifice to stay up and make art i think is sleeping really better than being awake? being aware sleep is like death i get it i almost feel deaf there so much stillness and quietness not quite silence but i can feel the world spinning i can feel my head spinning like a merry go round im spinning being awake i can focus on myself reflect on what has been done and what needs to be done i have a lot of time and less than 5 dollars on my bank account label me broke but i spent years trying to fix myself it's not fair unfair is the society that expects so much from babies i'm still a baby like a baby i eat, sleep and **** being awake i become conscious my bones feel tired my flesh is slowly dying my mind feels tired my brains are slowly dying my soul? IT is my soul IS my soul WAS and my soul will BE we are like water we freeze we melt And we flow but most importantly we ascend we evaporate my soul is never tired when I'm asleep I want to escape have an out of body experience perhaps this body is beautiful but weak almost perfect i speak for those who have not yet awaken come see the light it might blind but they say love is blind unwind, rewind i spend nights like this to work on myself i have yet to find myself i have yet to love myself i tried my best i tied my bets i've lost secrets i've broken promises we all praise our successes but how many of us keep track of our mistakes? i failed so many times and got up again everyday the sun rises and no one told him to get up the sun has no alarm clocks i'm trying to find the building blocks and hope they are made from familiar material so i can break them down before break of dawn but before i break down before my tear lands the ground i wipe them down you can watch my eyes sparkle instead like white snow, they sparkle like each snowflake so unique i plan to paint a picture so vivid before i go to sleep before i close my eyes and rest my hands hear me out, if you're reading this i love you with all my that I am we met for a reason if you were my friend at some point thank you if you are my friend now still thank you and if you need a friend come to me you are welcome