I remember when the fireflies danced in the night
When hearts grew warmer,
as coldness sprouted to life.
When a single sign of affection
brewed a storm inside of me
and I pursued the glimpse of happiness.
I remember when mom commanded me to do the unspeakable
as dad stared blankly into silent static,
as my screams pierced the humid summer night.
When destructive thoughts seized my mind
I tried to make them flee, but they refused.
as rejection dug into my flesh, running, and running, and running.
I remember the endless tears, broken relationships, and the grip of fear.
Fear of the unknown, the future, people, and love.
Love.
What was it?
Would I ever find it?
And would I ever find myself?
I remember when you said I was the strongest person you knew.
I tried to comprehend your words, but I couldn't see strength.
Instead, a young girl with big dreams in a world crumbling to pieces.
So I searched to find myself.
I remember when I started viewing myself in a positive way.
As I repelled the negative judgement I had forced upon myself.
And started finding my values, who I was, and who I wanted to be.
And maybe, just maybe
I could succeed.