It had been years since I'd seen your face,
I recognized your smile, as if I had never left...
We talked, it was good...
You said you were sorry... and I accepted your apology...
Although I had already forgiven you a while back...
But this doesn't mean that I forgot...

Do not confuse my forgiveness for forgetfulness...
because I still remember...

I remember all those nights
you were on the couch... sipping on some beers...
everything would be good, we'd laugh and play...
but then something triggered your emotions...

Your face would change,
you would start asking questions,
then the questions would turn into accusations,
the accusations would turn into anger,
the anger would turn into fire...
a fire that couldn't be stopped,
A fire that burned me... over and over again...

Next thing I knew
the fire would hold me down by my wrists...
demon like screams would be leaving your lungs...
telling me not to speak... or I would be punched in the face
and your eyes... your eyes would scar my soul
and I knew this nightmare would last all night long...

As the sun would rise...
you'd be sleeping next to me...
I never slept...
tears rolling down my face
scars... deeper than my skin...
You'd wake up and say you were sorry...
you blamed the alcohol....
made me feel guilty,
you said your love was too big...
then hugs and kisses ... and I was yours again...

But I never forgot...
Even after I left those nightmares stayed with me,
the scars you left, dug deeper into the essence of my being...
as I pretended that none of had happened...
But the more I pretended, the more prevalent it became...
the more I pretended, the more torturous it felt...

So I forgave you...
I forgave you alone in my room with tears coming from my soul
I forgave you as I prayed to God to get rid of my scars...
I forgave you, and in the process I learned to forgive myself too...

But just know...
that even though my heart forgave you
...my soul never forgot.