Dec 2015
If I disappeared,
Would you turn back all the years?
Would you examine every moment,
Try to decode every tear?
If I left forever,
Would you even care?
Would there be any good about me
That you'd feel that you could share?
If I left tomorrow,
Would you be filled with sorrow?
Or would you say that I was selfish?
That I should have just been stronger?
If, all at once, I wasn't here,
Would you feel there was more you could've done?
Or would you shrug, perfectly geared,
Saying you did no wrong?
If you looked back on my calls for help,
Would you have seen the signs?
Or would you still be tunnel-visioned,
And unknowingly blind?
...I ask this because I want to know...
If I died,
Would you cry?
Or would you lie,
And say you tried?
Would you turn back all the years?
Would you examine every moment,
Try to decode every tear?
If I left forever,
Would you even care?
Would there be any good about me
That you'd feel that you could share?
If I left tomorrow,
Would you be filled with sorrow?
Or would you say that I was selfish?
That I should have just been stronger?
If, all at once, I wasn't here,
Would you feel there was more you could've done?
Or would you shrug, perfectly geared,
Saying you did no wrong?
If you looked back on my calls for help,
Would you have seen the signs?
Or would you still be tunnel-visioned,
And unknowingly blind?
...I ask this because I want to know...
If I died,
Would you cry?
Or would you lie,
And say you tried?
I wrote this on one of the worst nights of my life. It was definitely one of my lowest points, depression-wise.
I am grateful to God for giving me purpose and a reason to wake up every day... because it definitely isn't always easy, and because sometimes that is literally the only thing that keeps me going.
I decided to post this poem because I think it is incredibly important to acknowledge victories--and I am also very grateful to no longer be in such a low place. I also believe that expression can bring healing and that mental health and suicide are subjects that should be talked about and not deemed taboo simply because they may make people uncomfortable.
To anyone struggling with depression, anxiety, and/or suicide:
Don't give up. Don't ever give up.
You are worth another day.
"You wake up every morning to fight the same demons that left you so tired the night before, and that, my love, is bravery." -unknown
I am grateful to God for giving me purpose and a reason to wake up every day... because it definitely isn't always easy, and because sometimes that is literally the only thing that keeps me going.
I decided to post this poem because I think it is incredibly important to acknowledge victories--and I am also very grateful to no longer be in such a low place. I also believe that expression can bring healing and that mental health and suicide are subjects that should be talked about and not deemed taboo simply because they may make people uncomfortable.
To anyone struggling with depression, anxiety, and/or suicide:
Don't give up. Don't ever give up.
You are worth another day.
"You wake up every morning to fight the same demons that left you so tired the night before, and that, my love, is bravery." -unknown
