I know it is really late. But I can finally articulate it now. It bothered me because I thought of her like an ex. Only worse. Because you never decided you didn't want to be with her. No break up. No mourning. No closure. Because she said so...(But what if she changed her mind?)

And there was a time not long ago where I could grow to like anyone that liked me. It's a powerful thing to be admired. Makes a person feel mighty. How could it not? To have someone see the wonderful things in us that we can't see in ourselves.

And I didn't want this power to lead you to indulge in thoughts of what if. Because I found you first. And I'm not good enough for your goodness. And I'm afraid you'll only be mine as long as you don't realize this.

But I love you too much to keep you blindfolded. And I'll never be worthy but I'll always keep fighting to be deserving of all the love you've given me.