Sometimes I wonder what kind of person I would of became,
If I wasn't beaten to the ground,
If I never touched your lips,
I wonder what kind of person I would of became,
If mom never left me,
If you never teared me apart like another chapter,
I wonder sometimes how you felt,
during those ****** sleepless nights where you would come back into my room,
crying - tearing - hopelessly apologizing.
I literally wonder sometimes,
Why I felt in love with you
The narcissist and me-
The victim.
I wonder what kind of person I would of became,
If you never touched me and did the irreparable-
That haunts me everyday,
Where I drowned my sorrow in magic potions, warm bodies and dreamy pills -
Where I would let the sound of my hallow soul echo between those empty screaming walls.
I wonder who I would of became if -
If I never felt this beauty deep inside of my heart.
Feeling this world - I still remember your eyes gazing into mine-
Lost forever into the torment of two empty bodies -
Finding each other perfectly at their worse.
I wonder sometimes how you felt when you were on your knees begging me to stay -
Feeling those bruises on my neck
TELL ME HOW DID YOU MAKE ME
turn into something -
So beautifully broken...



      •••



I wonder sometimes, if you saw the shadows of my demons dancing inside my chest-

Would you love me?
Would you softly kiss the scars inside my heart -
Would you hold my hand strongly as I travel the seven seas?
Would you my love,
Despite my sins, my filthy body and the hell burning my distant dreams...
Would you finally stay?

  


     •••


You know I became this person - that writes passionately,
Warms people's heart and cry in front of sad movies,
I became this late flower that is yet to bloom-
But deep inside this garden of thorns,
I know a secret that nobody truly knows.

I became the most profound - pure and kind women I will ever be -

And this is me.


I am enough.