He liked me first, but that doesn't matter.
He loved me after that, but that doesn't matter either.
His feelings don't matter -
I told him that.
And ever since August, I told him it was better
if we both, reluctantly, stopped talking to each other.

But how do you scare your only hope away?
How do you tell the person who tells you that you're beautiful that it's not right for him to stay?

So I told him this, and I told him a lot more.
I made sure he heard me as I locked the door.

But he pursued me, quite relentlessly
And did all the things boys in love do.
He hugged me, complimented me,
assured I was capable of loving people too.

And I told him that he doesn't get it.

So now I'm sitting in this suffocating room,
I'm looking at the boy whose heart I mercilessly broke.
I think about how the words between us vanished into silence.
And I wonder if it's worth repeating -
That his feelings don't matter,
because if I can't love myself
I can never love him either.