I can't help lately
That I have stopped wanting to fight
Stopped wanting to snap
And bark and sting with my words
I've swept it under the rug
And given you a bear hug
And gritted my teeth and just been
Okay

I've stopped trying to tell you
To stop
To slow down
To listen
To talk
But I still start the sentences
That will come off ****** and come off
Rude
Or sharp
Or sassy.

And then I stop myself because
Why bother fighting and
Repeating and fighting
And
Repeating
Because I treasure you
When you smile and when we laugh
And when there is no time to say
Stop
Or slow down
Or come sleep
Or please eat

So now inside I have this turmoil
This weird feeling I haven't felt in so long
This screaming clawing gnawing tearing
Feeling
That wants me to speak
That wants me to scream
But instead

I am learning to just
Be
Okay
And let you be you and
Just stop
Nagging

It's so hard