(tw; abandonment)

A feeling I never thought I'd feel,
but here I am, writing a poem about you

Do you think about me, too?

You're always on my mind,
even more than the ticking of the clock is
because you know I'm always really excited to get home
so I can talk to you without glancing up every second
to see if the teacher's looking

But at the same time,
thinking about you makes me think about
how scared I am of losing you

My number one fear has always been losing people,
and it's happened so many times, over and over again

It's a vicious cycle and losing you might just do me in.

I can't breathe without you,
but even when I'm with you,
my breathing is labored

Because how do I stay calm
when I'm hanging off of the edge of this cliff you dangled me over
(unintentionally, of course)

My heart is pounding in my chest,
no peace, no rest,
and as much as I love you,
the fear of losing you is something I'll never be able to overcome

The fear of dropping to my doom is something
I will never be able to forget

As much as you comfort me in my time of need,
that fear always sneaks back

Hiding under my bed like the boogeyman,
and I start to wonder, 'is it worth it?'

Yes. Yes, it is.

It will always be worth it.

Because the fear I feel of losing you is much less damaging
then the suffering I feel without you