Dream context: was taking drugs and deeply paranoid about people around me (i am not sure how common paranoid schizophrenia manifesting in dream state is but i have experienced it before) so i killed myself. 'Wake up' context: immediately tried to get an extra hours sleep to try reenter dream state, slept but dont think i was in any mind images. awake now so will just have to wait until tonight. conclusion: isnt life exciting.     BTW my deepest darkest fear is something that has terrified me when both mad and sane and i also fear putting it in to words, maybe on my wake up life deathbed but will speaking the words change my reality and make it true? possible other previous days trigger thoughts: i thought of how *** for me is now just a form of physical exercise that will just bring my blood sugars down so i thought want about having *** during a blood sugar low and dying entwined with another human animal? what do you think?