Tana,

I got sad again, and if I was like everyone else, I would blame you for it.
I care too much to say that it's your fault, maybe I like you.
I wish Maddi and I could just move out and not deal with other people and we'd be happy.

I fell again in more ways than one; I fell in love with you, I fell in love with who you are.
I fell into my sadness, shrinking into my body, confused and disoriented.
I wish I could hate you and then kiss you and make love to you all in the same night, then leave you and not speak to you for a couple weeks.
I wish I could feel shame and sorrow and then, call you up and say I was sorry really half-assed and you'd forgive me like I did.
I wish I could blow cigarette smoke in your face like the regulars at work do to me, with their slack-jawed minds and gas station lighters.
I wish I could treat you like a toy, but I can't and I won't, because I know that when you're sad, you'll call me and I'll feel bad if I treat you like you're unimportant.