Mr. O'Toole
The drunk 'ol fool
Who spent every night
At the pub on his stool
He never threw darts
Nor ever played pool
Just drank himself blind
And fell asleep in his drool

'Til one summers night
After many a pint
The bar keep said
"This just isn't right
You drink so **** much
You can't stand upright
I'll call you a cab
You're done for the night"

Then Mr. O'Toole
Arose from his stool
And spoke as he finished his drink
"You think me a fool
Well your dumb as a mule
Every glass that you've poured
Has been filled with O'Douls
I'll have you know sir
That you are the fool
For that's the only thing I drink!"