It doesn't feel great,
when I am greeted by nothing.
By silence.
Indifference...
Am I even here?

It doesn't feel great
thinking about all the times
I could have loved you
as fiercely and as longingly as
I do now,
but I chose hate instead.
I chose ugliness.
I chose to treat you not as a gift,
but as a burden.
Wow...
No, none of that feels great.
And though I know nothing can be changed.
Though I know I am not to live with regret
and shame.
It still hurts,
when you're the person I want to call
to share my happiness with
to share in the fruitful time I am walking through...
alone,
but I can't.

No...it doesn't feel great...