Upon my fingertips I have counted the number of times my heart has been broken. The number of times I have said no more. The number of times I have said once more.
You, my middle school love, our lips may have never meet but our 13 year old hearts collided like high speed cars crashing somewhere between lunch time hand holding and secret under table notes meant only for our eyes. Three days after eighth grade graduation I could still feel the warmth of you lips upon my check. That summer when we said goodbye I understood the law of gravity for the first time.
Now to my freshman crush. The one that all the boys chased, the one who I thought I could court. We shared late night conversations, giving each other secrets that we only told the dark. I like a fool forget the law of gravity and jump once more. You though taught me that sometimes love is not always cupid’s arrow. Sometimes love is not always handholding and lip kissing. Sometimes love is simply secret sharing and late night conversations. Sometimes love is just a shoulder to cry on, when love doesn't work out with someone else. I am sorry that I had to walk away before I learnt this.
Finally I come to you, you my high school sweetheart. The one who was suppose to heal my brokenness and show me why middle school love, and freshman crush never worked out. I lost in darkness forgot that you were not the light to illuminate my path but you were just a girl. A girl who fell in love with the broken boy, who fell in love with the idea of love. The only way the story of a girl who fell to hard and a broken boy can end is with a tear. I am sorry I could not love you the way you needed to be loved, like how I needed to be loved.
Now it is senior year and these hallway are filled with ghost that use to hold my hand. Middle school love is now just a stranger who I once shared a bus seat with. Freshman crush now only exist in long forgotten Facebook messages and stray glance in the hallways but not longer do we share secrets. The girl who fell to hard no longer looks up when pass in the hallways. The memories that we shared have faded
And I, I say no more. No more hearts shall I break No more heartaches shall I feel. No more I will say and say again until I say once more once again.