“As for Charles – he likes girls. If he’s drunk, I’ll do. But – just when I’ve managed to harden my heart, he’ll turn around and be so sweet. “ “You like him a lot, don’t you?”
The night crumbles to dust as I trace every single crease, every nook, every edge of you. I drink you in, you drink cheap wine: you only kiss me with alcohol in your blood, you cannot stomach me without the drugs. A pile of cigarette ash on the floor, broken glass. Shattered ice cubes and cigarette butts. It’s a scene of decay; you and I could only survive if you whispered sweet nothings and I let you gut me. You lead me on and I always slip, and touch you and believe this time will be the time you stay, this time will be the time you remember last night morning come, this time will be the time I am the one. It rains the first time and there’s a bottle of scotch; we play cards; you’re drunk: I strip you off; tonight you smile; tonight you will not mind if I touch your jaw your lips your waist and below and your heart no – never your heart. Then it’s a matter of time. You always come when you need me and I can never refuse to be the one who lets your tongue explore my mouth if only drunk if only for a while if only for the night. I’m there. I will do. For now. I kiss your lips your throat your neck your collarbones and down – way down – below and your heart no – never your hear. You twist me round your little finger and I would die and die and **** and die a thousand times to have you look at me and say I’ll stay tonight*. My Charles. No – never mine.
Based on Tartt's The Secret History. The lines before the ones that start with "no -" are supposed to be crossed out.