Mondays are hard.
He only wants me for my body-
For the way I was made
But he also wants me
To perform
For him.
I can never understand
What he wants from me.

I love him, but I hate him.
God, help me!
I can't do this on my own.
I love him but I hate him.

Tuesdays are light.
He looks at me like I am the only thing
In the world
The only person.
He holds me tight
And tells me he loves me
Without hurting me.

I love him, but I hate him.
God, help me!
I can't do this on my own.
I love him but I hate him.

Wednesdays are long.
He has had a
Long day
Of work
And dealing with his boss.
He will let me hold him
And rock him to sleep,
Brushing my cold fingers across his sweaty back
While he falls into a slumber

I love him, but I hate him.
God, help me!
I can't do this on my own.
I love him but I hate him.

Thursdays he is happy.
He gets to see his
Delinquent mother
And visits his
Abusive father in jail
Only to spit in his face every time
And tell him he hates him.
I don't get it.
My faith wanes more every day.

I love him, but I hate him.
God, help me!
I can't do this on my own.
I love him but I hate him.

Fridays are better.
He doesn't think about
Anything but me
We go out together
Holding hands
In dark
Theater
Seats
While we share popcorn
And memories.

I love him, but I hate him.
God, help me!
I can't do this on my own.
I love him but I hate him.

Saturdays are terrible.
He drinks
And
Drinks
And
Drinks
Until he's not the same
Person he was
On Friday.
I don't get it.
Why can't he just love me?
He hurts me
And beats me
Bruises
Everywhere.
Hidden, but there.

I love him, but I hate him.
God, help me!
I can't do this on my own.
I love him but I hate him.

Sundays are amazing...and awful.
He is gone.
I can bask in the back row of the church
Singing with my fellow Christians,
Praying with them
Not thinking about him
Loving my God
But at the same time
I know
That in a few hours,
I will have to go back to him.
To his anger
His rage.
And tomorrow,
It will all start again.

I love him, but I hate him.
God, help me!
I can't do this on my own.
I love him but I hate him.
I love him but I hate him.