There's this look people give you

You're trying to see it for yourself
Fighting in between people
Squeezing in, trying to get a peek
Only to end up with the same thing I've been seeing for 2 years:
Disappointment

It's the look on the faces of people who believed in you
Who told you you could do it
It's that look of pity, sadness
As if you've lost everything
again
It just adds to the agony of it all
Confirming the nightmare before my eyes

It's the worst ******* look people can give you
It's the same words over and over again
"It's okay" "you're better than that" "there's always next time"
It's not okay **** it
This is the next time

It was like
Trying to build a sandcastle
You put everything you've got
Your blood, sweat, tears, money and time
You try to keep the sandcastle up
And even if the tide begins to rise to the foot of your castle
You still continue to build it
And in the end
It would just be destroyed by a single wave

Tell me that it's okay
That i put the best parts of myself out there
And i spent every waking moment trying to get everything right
And I worked so **** hard for it
Only to end up in a puddle of my own tears, self pity and despair