today makes 10 years
and it's ironic that
you died
around Valentine's Day
because
your favorite color
was always pink
you were beautiful
and you suffered
and it was not beautiful
but you were beautiful
you are beautiful

this poem will not be sad
because you are not sad
I did not cry today
because you wouldn't have
wanted me to
I cooked myself scrambled eggs
and set two places
at the table
I wore a dress for you
I put on lipstick for you
elegance was the house you built

today I chose to love because
I love you
I am a woman because
you showed me how to be one
I sat in the back yard
between the tall pine trees
because I haven't forgotten
how much you loved to garden
I'm sorry your gentle might didn't
translate into my clamoring bones
I am too much me to be soft like you

I wrote your name on my desk today
without the vowels
I still know it's you but it's not there
like I want it to be
showing me how to plant flowers
how to make light with my ***** hands
because of you, whom I love
because of you I love