And in that moment I couldn't breathe The life was drawn out of me from a pain that wrecked me to the depths of my soul--and then I wept. For those I had lost, for those I had pushed away and for my selfish self. The tears paved delicate paths on my swollen cheeks and I needed the soft touch that only he could provide. But he was long gone to a place of no return. I had lost him, not only him, I had lost myself. I can pretend but I can never be. A floating shell, masking the emptiness inside. And I realized I can never truly be full again. I can just float-- waiting, searching, failing. I can just live this shallow life until the shell cracks and I become dust. Worthless, lifeless endless dust.