I try to navigate
take the longer path
hope the roads confuse me
hope they create an illusion,
not even the steadiest eyes could endure

I try to memorize what I need to explain
hope a beast surrounds me and takes my breath away
hope it leaves me with no chance to speak again

I try to persuade myself it's all going to be okay
but really
i wish it wasn't me
who had to carry the bags
explain the mess

eventually I run out of roads to take,
fake illusions to make, and their are no more beasts that could possibly harm me

so i tell them the truth

'the pain hurts every single day, and I'm afraid, his memory is never going away'

and if a tear or two falls down my cheeks
I turn my back and accept - i've done my best.