Lillian its not that your mother didn’t love you, its just that she was still trying to figure out how to love herself. Her arms could only reach so far, you just were never close enough. Lillian its not that your mother didn’t have a heart, its just that some days it couldn’t keep up with the pace of her mind. you could try shouting but she would never hear you over the voices speaking to her. Lillian its not that your mother viewed you as worthless, its just that she couldn’t find worth in her self just yet. How could she open her eyes for you when she thought there was nothing worth looking at. Lillian its not that you deserved her anger, its just that she didn’t know how to treat something constant in her life when everyone kept on leaving. She couldn’t come to terms with how someone could love her so unconditionally despite her demons. Lillian its not that your mother regretted you, its just that no one has stuck around long enough to get past her walls. she thinks that she’ll be left to clean up the rubble alone. Lillian its not that your mother is a reflection of yourself, its just that she never had room to grow. You are a big fish in a little pond like her, though you can break free.