you know for ages
I thought I was finally getting
over you
my mind was filled with
other thoughts
but at 4:36 I woke up
this morning
and realised how stupid
id been

of course I still miss
you
and it wasn't the empty
space next to me that reminded me.
it was the knots in my hair
I got from turning in my sleep
so much because even
in my dreams
you aren't mine

it's hearing a text on
my phone
and my breath catching
in my throat
because I'm hoping it's you

I'm not sure if I'm
angry at you.
how could I be?
whenever someone asks
about you
I never know what to say.
...an ex-almost?

that's what kills me the most.
we could have been...
something.
and the only way I can
somehow fall asleep
at night without
saying goodnight to you
is to remember we are under
the same galaxy,
you're made of bones
just like him, and him,
and her.

you're a part of me
you're in my veins and I've
done all I can to get you
out
but it just won't work.
it won't work.
please make it stop.
I guess some nights
when we're both filled with
***** we'll finally have
the same thing running
through our veins

I like to tell people
I don't have a heart,
what are feelings anyway?
but you,
you remind me that I have one
because I can feel it breaking

I remember that you
always had a pen in your
hand, tapping away
god, that was annoying.
but now I can't hold a pen
without replicating your
actions just to feel
less lonely
do you remember how
I good I am at lying?
you told me that once.

it scares me that you've
forgotten me
because all I remember is you
you
you
you
but it scares me even more
that one day I might forget you
because then I won't have
something to remind
me how to feel

maybe one day
10 years from now
you'll feel your heart sink
because the red wine in your
glass isn't dark enough
to match my red lipstick
or you'll remember me
when that girl makes you
coffee
and puts too much
milk
and the brown doesn't resemble
my eyes anymore

maybe one
day you'll realise what could
have been
but it will be too late
I'll stop running to you
because I got burned everytime
and I have tears running
down my face now
and you aren't here to
help me
*******
why aren't you here?

I never believed in fate,
that the universe somehow
controlled who we met
but I guess I have to
thank the universe
for at least letting you
stop by.

-
I'm okay now.
you're out of my system,
my blood no longer has
your poison
I don't wake up at 4:36 anymore

I'm okay, I don't love you.






(remember how good I was at lying?)