real love hurts,
and letting go kills,
and believe me that this took every ounce
of my strength & will.

i miss you implicitly,
and i'll love you forever,
but we're two broken people
who can't function together.

you will not just be
another record on my shelf
but it's finally time
to live for myself.

dad,

i look for you in all the boys i like.
it's not sick
it's not deranged.
it's the stimulus of a girl whose father was absent.
the security and comfort
you never gave me as a child.
i want him...
i need him
to protect me in all the ways you didn't.
i'm sewing the patches of my childhood
a little later than everyone else.

before i met you
i went through life
with my fists out in front of me
because if i was ready for anything,
nothing could take me by surprise.
but you,
i didn’t see you coming.
you hit me from behind
and instantly i fell
...
in love with you.

here we are,
it's a dead end
and now there's no turning around.
we strayed from the path
and ended up here.
we realize that we've reached a cliff
and you can make this as clean
or as painful
as you like.
compulsively i jumped off
because it was the only way to find out what lied ahead.
but you clenched on to the edge so tightly
until you finally plummeted
because whatever it was you were holding on to
had already eroded.

I am attached to the people who are distant to me,
I yearn for the attention of the people who ignore me,
I make time for the people who are always too busy for me.

And so I then ask myself,
"If I am clearly not oblivious to these observations,

Why do I let these people rule me?
Why do I hanker for the validation of people who don’t care?
Why do I invest so much and get so little in return?”