the smell of fresh beans
fills by dreams
beckons me forth to my culture, to my people
acceptance is key, but I'm rejected by the world
simply because I don't fit the stereotype
rejected by my people because I don't speak their language

engraved in my heart are the traditions and beliefs of my people
but my body betrays me
I am Mexican
I am American
but the world makes me choose one
because I don't look the way I'm supposed to

sometimes I feel like
jealousy
is engraved in me
like feeling
less than
is how I'm supposed to feel
these thoughts ****** me
until I'm drunk with sadness

sometimes i forget what it was like to not be in love with you
that's when i become quite cynical
rolled my eyes at romance novels
flipped the channel when any romantic comedy dared to come on
skipped all my favorite love songs
i almost was engulfed in rage when movies ended sappy
i shunned the romance out of my life just like i shunned you
i was quite angry, you see
because i was never really not in love with you
i knew what all those movies and books and songs were professing
and although sometimes they can be quite dramatic i knew some form of that love was
real
oh, so very real
and now i revel in it every day
it wraps me up and keeps me warm
i breathe it in and it infuses with my skin
and i almost forget how i tried to fool myself about not being in love with you

you are my song
the beat to my heart
the rhythm in my step
the happiness in my laughter

i love you
and ill stay forever
because i figured out what i needed
what i always wanted
is you

oh my darling,
i would give you the stars
i would give you the oceans
and all the creatures in the forest
i would build you a universe
full of all the things that make you happy

but oh my darling,
all i have to give you is
my love
my heart
and all you have is
your love
and heart
and that is all i'll ever need
i love every inch

my first and my last
my forever and always

i can breathe you in forever
i missed your smell
your taste
the pounding in my chest
your arms around me
i searched for you in all the wrong places
all the wrong people
i was just trying to find a glimpse of you
but now you're mine again
and my heart is all yours

i like to turn off my frontal lobe
let my amygdala and limbic lobe start screaming
let them ooze their tears
feel each and every stab
i know it's irrational
maybe it's a little self destructive
but the numbness is always worse than every scar they have caused me
because you see my frontal lobe likes to make me an empty shell
it likes for me to pull away from the pain
and let the darkness eat me alive

why must i feel so deeply
sometimes its nice
i love deeply
i'm happy deeply
i give deeply

but
i'm sad deeply
hurt deeply
frustrated deeply
drowning deeply in the chaos of these emotions

my love for you fizzled up
like soda left on the counter
like a fish with no water
slowly inhaling what kills it

i don't know when it happened
im not even quite sure why
but sometimes you stepped on my emotional mines without even realizing they were there
exploding inside my heart
ripping me up inside
i know you didn't mean it
but i didn't need someone else making me feel like i wasn't good enough
maybe that's why i pulled away
maybe i was the air that ****** the carbonation out
maybe i drowned myself
i'm sorry i couldn't be what you wanted
i'm sorry i let myself get in the way of our beautiful
i often do that
my emotional scars can be quite fragile
the stitches are still in place
the wounds barely healed
i'm sorry you couldn't make me feel good enough
maybe because you are so much greater
maybe it was just the wrong time
i'm not sure
but i'm sorry

you make me want to write poetry
and paint the sky with this feeling inside
breathe in your heartbeat
run through the clouds
and swim through the ocean of you
this time I'm never letting go
because now I know
there's only one you
only one of this feeling
the only one who makes me want to write poetry

i had forgotten what it felt like
the rush
the endless laughter
the smell of you on me
the look you give
the heat of your skin on mine
the way my heart feels
and i wonder how i ever forgot

inadequecy
will be the death of me

Yesterday, I fell in love
Today will be same
And all the days after

You're just talking faces
Your eyes are blind
Your ears do not hear
You continue to talk at me
Never seeing the pain your causing
Never hearing the words I'm speaking
So I've learned to stay quiet
Leave my feelings deep inside
Because you're just talking faces

I'm going to be honest, my sweet love
I never meant to fall in love with you
But as soon as I started falling,
I couldn't stop
Like a downward pull of an ocean current
The waters of your love fills up my lungs
And I promise you,
They are the sweetest breaths I have ever taken

sometimes you make me want to cry
not because I'm sad
quite the opposite, in fact
i can't contain this love i feel
it spills over and splashes on everything

my time before you was a blur
full of darkness
full of tears
being 'in love' was a blood stricken war
waged with myself
because i was never quite enough

but you fill me up with love and joy
and all those years i spent
wasting away, clinging to the dread that lived inside my head
all fade away
i'd do it all over again if i had to
because you are worth it all
every fight and every tear

i know that you were made for me
every inch, every heartbeat
a gift from heaven

Sometimes I feel like I've come so far
that I forget how easy it is to fall
down
down
down
to the pit of despair

I could hold you close to me forever
Feel the beat of your heart against mine
Perfectly in sync
Filled with love
Joy
I am finally complete

i want to wrap you in my love
breathe in our warmth
melt in your arms

I don't think I could ever get the words just right
so I guess I'll just stick with
I love you
But oh my dear,
Those are just the start of what you do to my heart

Now, you know the secrets of my heart
The whispers in my head
That bring me
down
down
down
for years and years and years
I've been stuck in the dark, deep gloom
never pretty enough
never good enough
never enough
There's always something I need to
change
change
change
I want to be yours forever
But this is my forever
Trapped inside lies and feelings of inadequacy
My heart is worn thin
from years of self loathing
So it's sensitive and raw
With any slight wrong step
The Walls go up
My mouth stays closed
Trapped inside
Stuck with the lies of
never enough
I am sorry

my heart is filled with thoughts of you
with each breath, my lungs are filled with love
you interrupt my every thought
i crave your touch
my lips need to feel the breath of yours
baby, i don't know what you've done to me
but i'm enjoying every second

I want to breathe you in
and know every inch of you
The deep thoughts in your mind you keep so hidden, guarded up and locked away
I want to know them all
Oh my dear, my love, my everything
Let me swim in your oceans
Unlock the gates
and make you mine forever

I love the sound of your voice
The way you say my name is heaven
Your laugh is the ever constant warmth of the sun
I want to hide in all the lows
Climb all the highs
Your voice is mine to hear forever  
It twines around my heart
And with every beat is love for the sound of you

I may have lied to you
I am very sorry
I didn't mean to
But after I said it
I realized I was wrong
Because I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt that
I want you
Forever

My heart aches with the longing of you
There's no one else who fits me quite so right
This distance is killing me
I need to feel your touch
I don't think I can make it much longer without the sensation of your lips on me
But I'd wait forever if that's what it took
Because I love you
My heart is yours
I am yours
I used to have this fear that I was never good enough
But it's different this time
This distance is killing me
I want to show you how I feel with tender kisses and warm hand holding
My heart may ache
But I will always love you

the difference between being in your life
and
being a part of your life
is like the difference between
a pond and a lake
you just know it when you see it
and i just know it when i feel it

i am neither here nor there
but i think of you everywhere

I love the way our names rhyme
Right down to our nicknames
Maybe I'm being a romantic but I feel like it's a sign
A sign that we cannot part
Because everything we say and do is in the perfect iambic pentameter
Measured so fittingly together
In perfect harmony
In a lovely melody
A cadence and rhythm I know all the words to
An overwhelming happiness I can live my life to

I don't think I've ever met someone as special as you
You could hold my heart forever
You're filled with tender sweetness  
You're my refuge
You're my greatest adventure
You're only made up of kindness
You're the missing joy in my life
Your very existence fascinates me
You're
You
And quite frankly I couldn't imagine anyone better

tender, soft kisses
clasped, cold hands
the warmth of your breath against my neck
the blue of your eyes
the sound of your voice
the taste of your lips
darling, you don't understand how badly I crave you

If I am the ocean, you are my moon
With each rise of my tide, my love grows for you
There's not anyone who knows how to pull me in quite like you
Because you see, I believe I was made for you
And you for me
And with each moonrise, I feel the pulling of gravity push me closer to you
My ocean heart skips a beat
The waves come crashing
And one day, my love, we won't be so far
The glistening of my waves will be yours
And the radiance of you will be mine

I could spend forever
discovering the depths of you
I want to explore every corner
I want to get lost in your heart
That way
I'll always be yours

I want know how you love me
When I'm a complete mess
Stitches barely hanging on
Standing at the edge of the dark valley I just clambered out of
Tear streaked cheeks
The smell of sadness still clinging to my clothes
The echo of those evil words still ring in my head
And you're all wrapped perfectly
So put together
I feel selfish to have you
I feel selfish for burdening you with me

I used to hate making decisions
Well, until I met you
Because you see, I never knew where I was going
I'd think I found my path
And then guess what?
Surprise, surprise there'd be a fork in the road
The pressure to choose would eat me alive
The water would rise above my head until finally at the last second I would find my way again

And then
I met you
With your all your love I love to swim in
And your careful words filled with honesty and truth
And with your soft kisses
Because oh, when you kiss me,
I promise I've never felt so beautiful

And now I know where I'm going
I know that all the paths that I've choosen have all led up to
You

You asked me what all my scars meant
Well, my love, I've spent years of my life self loathing
This big one right here is from the months I fell to sleep wishing I'd never wake up
And the numerous ones right here are from all the times I've felt inadequate
And these scarlet ones are from the times I felt so angry that I had to be me
These quiet ones here are from all the times I knew I needed help but never said a word
And all these skinny ones here are for the times that I hated this body that I live inside and for the times the mirror in my head liked to tell me lies
These are for the times I felt like I was drowning in frustration because I never matched the perfect person my brain wanted me to be
And these are for the time I felt so lost and trapped inside my head
These are for the times I let my happiness be defined by an immature boy who saw the the start of these wounds and never bothered to ask me why
I've waged a wicked war with myself
I cried and yelled and yearned to be everything except me

My scars are healing
The blood of my own words has long been washed away
And here they all are for you to see my past in all it's pitiful glory
But please don't worry
I am okay
The wars have stopped
I may stumble and have a scuffle from time to time
But I am okay, really, I promise

i miss the towering, snowcapped mountains
the blue of your eyes
the chill in the air
the warmth of your hands

i like to write in metaphors
but you're the one
i can't grasp
i just can't seem to find anything good enough to compare to you
my words fail me
and it occurs to me that all that is left
are my emotions swimming inside

I feel as if I'm wearing a t shirt soaked in my past sadness
Always slightly weighing me down
I don't want my past to be the whole sum of me
But it seems like all the numbers are adding up quite nicely

i still see the scars left behind
hidden in the deep folds of my mind

I'm always giving myself away
Only to find a "Not A Through Street" at the end of each adventure

I've started to feel you pull away
You're a leaky sink
Slowly but surely leaving me behind
drip drop
my heart is silently breaking
drip drop
I don't know how to stop this
drip drop
I think there's something wrong with my faucet
Because no matter how hard I twist there's always the drip drop of you

You give me the words I've always wanted to say
The feelings I thought I'd never deserve
The pure and sweet honesty I've always craved
And to simply put it,
my dear,
You are my everything

I could write you a million love poems
But I still don't think they would be able to capture the feelings in my chest
Because when I look at you
words suddenly fail me
And my heart is at a loss
Because I don't know how I ever lived without you
And now I don't ever want to
Because you're the answer to my questions
The beginning of the end
You
Are
Mine
And I'll want that forever

my instincts are telling me to pull away
but I just want to stay

The words are stuck in my head
And every time I try to get them out
To ask for help
My mouth becomes a trap door
Shut tight
A black hole
With so much inside
That nothing can get out