My life shattered but won't give out
My wife coughs out; words leave her mouth
And it's a no, i was so ready to go
Didn't we say so? All those times we played? Didn't we always find a way? Oh
And look how she spares her pride, tears in her eyes; she's dead inside
And from my chest - no reply; but sparks on wires my heart replies
Nerves that can't form
Words to reply
Let me expire; send word to mum and sis; become a miss
I hate when you see me like this
Every wait weights upon our bliss
It's all sorts of horrific; let me be specific
Wouldn't it be terrific
To just let me go; remember we were just so
Soul to soul and oh so whole
Not all of these charts and missives
I liked you in control but i hate me this submissive
Now i've hit the wall; time comes for us all
It's unacceptable to contemplate my fall
Now be swift and hit the switch;
It's on the wall
If it would please you i always believed in you;
you know it's true
Please don't look appalled
Me and you were always one
Now it's all for one
And one for all

.......

My hearse tracks y axis elation
Tram tries to numb; it's work undone
nerves crackle with ideas above my station
While they're overrating; love and hating
All my love is devastation
I leave ideals in desolation

When you make the choice to embrace the iron
And deny voice to impatient desire
When your heart seeks a dark relief
And you dig deep to find belief
When you bare your teeth
To earn relief
And the lactase weeps
Body burns with heat to pay the fee
You pay with hurt to settle misery
And walk the streets secretly
With an invisible wreath
Body sings a symphony
To the pain you own
Hymns of control
A punishment that you will own
Admonishing through flesh and bone
Turning will to steel, form to stone
Teaching brain to heel as hearts atone
Till everything you feel is yours alone
And your own life feels like something you own
Iron inspired, regret retired, live in the moment
Heart may be heavy but you know you can hold it

Find paper and a pen to start,
A timeframe lost unto my heart,
A flash of me before the blur;
Or a moment 'I' came up for air?

Time and drugs have past since then;
I've habituated lust and lost some friends
Truth is I've felt higher since
But this journal appeals to some sense -
- That truth is recieved and noted, studied and quoted, to enlighten a mind until it's floated

These first few pages scribbled in haste
Jigsaw pieces; acknowledged, embraced?
Before the pills and powders, ***** and waste
Until time grinds these pages down to paste -
- Was there ever value in self-righteous grace?

But what to do but scribble sorrow
As power plants burn up tomorrow
This book goes back in time;
Paper pulp to trees and leaves
As I crawl forward;
***, drugs, relief?
I'll star no role yet achieve my goal
For doomed to die is every soul
'They listen not' - my wont to sigh
As the earth turns to the sound
Of a million doomed birthing cries