That summer of what you want you have.
We walked everywhere our hearts weren't
cutting corners just to feel like kids
I wore your sweatshirt
sleeves rolled.
The gray hitting just around my legs.
Your eyes held mine for too long
as we stepped into the night.
I told you I liked your tattoo with an air
of embarrassment.
You let half of the compliment fall to the ground
while the other half fed your smirk to
full perfection.
The waves got fuzzy and far between.
Hair got longer and shorter all at once.
Button ups and bows sealed our outward appearances.
Big eyes and band tees.
Mosh pits and burritos.
Girls and boys soon to be women and men.
Front porches, steps, and ever turning wheels.
One person would be coming in the front door;
the other would be rushing out the back
with arms full of luggage
luggage containing film from times so separate but
defining to who we were.
Puking in every other sewer we had our minds in.
I would only be able to find you when you were immobile.
Screaming with arms wide open, we would feign at the
sight of others.
Placing diamonds and breaking glasses,
Your pepperonis offsetting my gumdrops .
One of four..wheels
The constellations on my face told you
where your luck might lead you.
I asked you where yours aligned one cold winter night.
I hung up the phone and tried to dull the monologue in my head.
I sat on that same front porch weeks later
bottling that same feeling of anguish
you told me how beautiful I was,
inside and out.
It was always a high dive,
never a wade.
So much to risk
So much to gain.
When you had a cast on your arm,
I poured water down your back
When you slept in my bed for the first time
I think I cried.
Held together by bandages and gum wads
rock and roll and disco
I saw you with my eyes going into the back of my head
You looked at your watch politely and kept moving.
Our lines kept crossing but never touching
One vice presented in front of another
I couldn't tell you how ****** my valentine
was for you, especially when one of us was
making lines with a razor and one of us was
making lines on a bed.
At that point I already knew how I felt but
I still had some growing to do.
No more cutting corners as I couldn't be a kid anymore.
Everything we wanted was no longer there.
The things we wanted all expired and new desires
filled our brains.
You saw so many tears from me
heard enough ******* to fill a pen.
I put my face up to just about anything
but I could never face you.
How many times did we bait our hooks
only to come up with some algae on our line.
I lost my lasagna over you
to a late night phone conversation.
Rumors split my forehead and everyone said to try.
Sand was always getting in my teeth as I worked up the courage
to finally tell you how I felt.
I blew it, mouth full of water.
In that bed where I had mumbled so many gray words before.
I was scared, as always
But you held my hand as we walked down the tracks
of your hometown and spoke of nothing.
The full moon was the only one talking
she told us how she liked our dance together
and no longer separate
Rain hit against the open windows that night
It was autumn.
I had fallen for you once, but I had fallen for you
again.