Is this some new way of motivation
because this is the best motivation I've had to die.
Nothing hurts more than when blood says your not smart.
You only think you are.
It pushes you to be someone yes.
but what's sad, is that it pushes you away from them.
Now motivation to prove how dumb they were,
for making you feel empty, nothing, irresponsible scumbag.
My mom once said the same,
every year she apologizes, saying it was the moment.
It broke us, forever, but I still NEED her.
I know any day, my own dad would choose that old hag of a girlfriend over me.
Anything over me for the matter.
That broke me, but I still Need him in my life.
From day one, the one I grew with,
has cast over me the ugliest spells a witch could come up with.
from worthless, fool, and again, IM NOT SMART.
This is the worst kind of motivation a parent could set trap for their child,
for in that trap, only one gets out, if they get out.
Then you think, you say,
Just watch how ill prove them wrong, show em my true worth.
then you realize, its too late, only one option out.
for you cant prove yourself in a day or two, this needs time.
This option isn't to be brainwashed, bow down to their ever beacon and call.
NO
This option is the only option motivation gives you.
NOW. or Never
and if it isn't now, then you know what your option is.

She was known to me from the year before,
her personality, links and appearance not sure.
She got the attention of her people, quite early and good.
First impressions last, well at least they should,
but this impression was unsure as things started to change.
Her colours showed slowly, we thought she was tamed.
Wild animals we refer to them as.
In a country like this, your in another class,
another level, another category, specie on a whole.
To keep everything cool and normal was her goal.
Her personality and appearance all a facade.
Fake, Hipocricy, she doesn't want to be called,
called out, for usually females have the treasure and men the key.
For now we now have all found out that she, is a he.
He has a lover, who is secretly supposing him.
He claims so, but he's caught,.. in his eyes the light dim.
He starts to sweat as he was exposed,
luckily friends will remain friends, but an addition to foes.
The christian appearance to fit with society.
Instead of football and roughness, there's peace; calamity.
It was expected but unexpected, but he or she gave it away.
So lest you forget, to read it today, remember the specie who walked about happy; gay.
For the day we saw him her as his her own lover, with his her smile and glee.
Displayed on the screen his her lover, was also a he.

We worry about our thoughts,
The way we talk, the way we walk.
We are too easily embarrassed by the little "fails" we make each day.
When he only thinks they are funny, creating a lighter way,
to look at things, on the brighter side, you feel a little better,
about yourself, your flaw, all written in a love letter.
I like to write, it shared my emotions, Using metaphors,
and other figurative devices, techniques that are used as emotional cures.
You ever wonder if what you're saying is right,
or things you bring up, might give the poor boy a fright.
When really, he didn't say anything to bring that thought across,
just you assuming, by his ok, so you toss,
you toss your heart out to him even more, convinced you're a ******.
He LOVES you, you want to deny it, you don't feel you deserved to be love. R.I.L... not a typo.
R.I.L , rest in love, for in love you are truly never rested enough, insatiable hunger and thirst for more,
either to give or receive, you want to make sure he's sure, that you're sure.
but surely one day, it shall rest, for true love, is behind the blinds, hidden in a corner, beware,
beware of the emotional damaged, the psychotics, the stalkers, the late night talkers, the clingers, the criers, the touchy, the huggers, the takers, the jealous, the moody, the miserable, the laughers, the lifetime movie watchers, the imaginations, the achy ones, the ones with the weird fetish.
For behind the wet paint sign, if you choose to ignore a warning,
you most likely will slip and fall, fall in love.
It is not something you can comprehend so quickly, but takes time to digest,
through our heart and pumped out again, by one of those weird symptoms mentioned above.
Well all you got to do is relax, truly sleep, kick back and relax,
let the mind sore and let your inner chi ride roller-coasters,
let it come back, lets wake up and sing,
shrugs her shoulder it's girl thing.

I see myself as emotionally damaged, soul damaged.
Selfish, Clingy, Miserable, unnecessary baggage.
I get these emotions and questions randomly.
I wonder if you forgot, or if i'm just too clingy.
I ask myself a question, my answers always blame,
but is it me? Am I just too confident to take the shame?
I wonder how you talk to me, what do you want with a girl like me?
I wonder how these people deal with a child like me.
wanting so much from the world, everything perfect,
spoiled little brat! why are you dumb! you haven't worked to deserve it.
You knew she was going to have a high chest!
I blame you! myself! for not being the best.
Why didn't you come back the same time, did you forget!?
do you get tired of talking to me, did you forget?
maybe i'm not your girl, i'm too messed up, greedy for the attention,
I forget you have a life too, looking for love you mentioned.
Popularity, Wealth, Branded Cars, A money Making job, A movie husband are all the things I've wished for.
To be liked by everyone, respected, looked high upon, smart, rich, beautiful, I want more.
Insatiable specie, what do you deserve, want nothing good, nothing bad, why cant you be normal!
OK
OK
I despise the word, it breaks my train of thought, my vibes.
you say it, ill only say it back, it might not have much of an effect on you. To be queen perfect I try.
You need someone who stays normal. I have my random behaviors,
all I really want is for you to play the script right, go on with the routine, tell me how wrong I am, be the...
Too strong of a praise. Only God can get, I deny I pushed him away, forgive the lost one I beg.
Soul surgery, I need to be fixed.
fixed so I can stop worrying, dreaming, failing.
All have been the battery that keeps me going, gives me power, i'm paling
dreams, failure, something I avoid, because both are related some how.
Failure, is your dreams crushed, and you dream not to be a failure.
Sometimes you wake up.

Here we go again.
I like you, you like me too,
I love you, you love me too.
Then I get obsessed.
Obsessed with talking to you, making you smile, laugh, interested.
When truly, its just slowly running you away.
Kmt. This ****** business aint gonna work. Maybe I really do have a problem. I just need to keep it calm.
Once I've done it, there's no escape.
I live in a life I didn't chose but directed.
I wish I was a mind reader, what are you thinking.
I'm going too fast,

What I feel, after what you said. It hurt my feelings.
And I chose to forgive and dismiss it.
For I know what this is.
An obsession for love, to be loved, our love.

Figure out the password.
The only way you could do that, is if you were the mystery machine itself.
It stands alone, by itself, clustered with other machines.
The mystery machine is an investigator, figuring out what other machines are up to. Their own password.
Then a human comes.
Trying to figure out the mysteries of, Mystery Machine. Why does he cry, when its not allowed to have emotions, why does it fall in love, with whom does it trip with. Why does it have malfunctions, but auto repairs anytime, he comes to find out the mysteries. He has a handbook. He twisted, and turned the ****, gave the ***** a little jiggle, Opened the head and climbed inside. Everyday people would walk by the mystery machine, and try to look inside of it. But all they could see was a child locked up inside, sleeping for comfort, living inside a mystery.

A "MAN" must learn to commit to the inner woman before in a woman.

I love you too... I just can't seem to believe it.

I feel weird, I mean I try not to be weird.
I hope you don't think i'm bad weird .
For i'm a total ****** that gets obsessed,
easily miserable and i'm a total mess.
I don't stay upset for long and i'm paranoid.
Paranoid because I don't want to be lost,
to make sure that everything feels right,
to make sure what i'm feeling is right.
Something else with someone doesn't feel like it with you.
Is it weird that i'm writing this poem about you.
I write when I feel something that I just need to express.
I want to see you really laugh and not hear that you've lost interest.
I want to keep you like something I really cherish.
You could be that glasses case with the old glasses and picture in it.
I remember swings and hearing your laughter, it's real,
I could feel it. I try so hard to make the conversation interesting that you really have the feeling you deserve.
The love and laughter and care you deserve.
For I want to be that someone that makes your movie.
The person that grabs you when you walk away
The person that kisses you in the rain.
The person that you share your secrets and insecurities with.
The person that changes you insecurities.
If only you knew I thought about you more than him.
If you only knew what I was thinking.
If only you knew how I feel that there could be a possibility someone else could make you really laugh,
It feels bad.
I don't want to be that psychotic girl, that's obsessed and easily jealous.
I can't have you when I really need you.
It's not want anymore, but need.
I've come to realize I need you.
It's no longer just an attraction but an obsession.
Laughing is the medicine you gave me,
but it only turned into a drug, where laughter wasn't the cure anymore,
but you.
Sigh.
I just want to be reassured that that's how you feel too.
Reassured not once, but a lot of times.
As i'm a girl that is deeply paranoid about things.
Thinking goes overboard and assumptions are crazy.
I don't know if I should show you this or not.
I'm scared of your reaction.
I don't want you to think of me as creepy or annoying.
The feeling is so exciting, so real, so fresh.
*****, a feeling that comes natural to me by you.
That's an inside thing I would never tell you out loud.
That't the reason I cant stare into your eyes,
or have you touch me at certain times.
Your embrace drives me crazy.
Do you think about me that way too.
It's funny that the insecurities you have, is what I like about you.
To be everything you've always wanted, I try.
Is this what it's suppose to feel like?

The Thought of growing older to become nothing.
The embarrassment of failure even when you try something.
Something to make it in life, become a "big shot".
You think you pass, you've made great effort, but you're taken back.
The fear of failure itself allows you to fail.
Being laughed at in the end, no longer head but tail.
There was a time I use to be head,
but now all that's dead.
They lied! They lied! TRY TRY and SUCCEED.
Scholarships, Ivy League, rich, fast cars, to which I feed,
My mind on to be,
They lied, no chance for me.
I've been trying for a long time, Failed me yet.
I study really hard, feel good, still fail? I don't get.
An Ivy League School was where I placed by bet.
but now it seems like there're change of plans, no cars, no money, no fast jet.
I make it known to everyone, my friends and family from now.
If i end up on the road side, no education, and eat with cows.
For education and a life worth living cannot be bought.
I tend to take action of my suicidal thought.

IF FEELING DEPRESSED AFTER  READING THIS POEM ,PLEASE ENSURE TO READ http://perfecttruths.blogspot.com/2014/03/a-word-from-wise.html

It came out of thin air, more like at night.
Just one night changed everything, everything right.
It continued for days, it continued for weeks.
It was a game at first, but now you play for keeps.
It's everything you want, but its so wrong.
It feels so right, the drug that makes you strong.
The insecurities, both related, keeps the feeling like magnets.
Attraction so strong, goes through deep, one text.
The text of a lifetime, future business.
Didn't come with a warning sign, on the forbidden list.
Brought confusion, mixed feelings of love and denial.
Questions, mostly why, only why, just why, love trials.
Don't question the feelings, let it flow like hot magma,
bursting out the earths. Now lava.
Then, it's acid rain, it burns a lot.
Can something ever exist, starting point, the top.
There's no bottom, nothing wrong except for one.
This is a case, meeting adjourned with the job not done.
Paper work makes perfect sense, fits together so well.
Secrets, feelings, words, jokes, Never kiss and tell.
Volcano, hot, steamy, smoking it is.
How could you want, need something you shouldn't have, Strictly Forbidden Business.

Numb, stressed, I'll try my best.
Doubt.... Doubt, I should be doing it, but I wonder about
In my head, in this world. I only remember swirls.
I think I know what I should, but I'm not sure if i'll get it.
I have time, i'll use it, I could. Nah, Forget it.
These are the last set of cards on the table.
My friends and family encouraged me, I am able,
But I want to be more. How could I be more and stay distracted,
Everything that should help is over, I'm on my own now,
Waiting to play my deck of cards. Will I win the big Sum, or lose it all.
The path that happens after, It makes me crawl,
In a shell on the inside. I need more time!
The clock ticks, time's running out.
I play my Queens, Kings and Jack.
They are all in place.
I have one card left. Is it ace?

Not many people are as confident as you.
Black and proud, you have a nice view.
I wish Ii could accept who I am.
My importance or worth or where I stand.

My eyes can see everything too,
but not the same picture. like a cucumber you're cool.
Through your system, you can edit your imaginations.
I'll show my adoration for your wonderful creations.

The way how people want you in their lives and dreams.
Your're an expert at what you do, that's how it seems.
Accepted you are, Not dumb or smart.
No friends needed. Power is your start.
I wish I had the power and confidence you did,
Instead of worrying what people think, have the innocence of a kid.

The joy felt inside the soul when your face appears.
Love at first sights. Sights.
Everytime I see you it is indeed like the first time.
A best friend you are for a while now.
Confession is good for the soul and I must confess what seeing you does to a young one like me.
A young one like you, we fit perfectly together.
Like a father holding his baby for the first time.
Not perfect, but perfect.
The edges that come with smoothe curves define our relationship.
If I ever told this thought to anyone older than me.
I am instantly shunned and cast aside for I have no home training.
Should the heart be cut out and put in a treasure box for safety.
Should I cross emotions out of every book in the world as it never exist, for I am not old enough to feel what the bigger ones feel.
You're wrong. Once she knows what is right or wrong in the world, she should have the ability to feel with humility.
The moment when you can be yourself to your best friend and the one you call your lover.
Then there are days you wonder about age and responsibilty, see we noticed and quite not oblivious to what is going on.
What if the so called high school crush is more than a crush.
What if it is destined at such an age we found ur missing rib, and that crush will be our last crush, and turn out to be our true love after all. True love which we felt from our hearts. True love from the start.

Hipocrisy.
Everyday I wake up breathing the same air as those I call friends.
They know thats not what they are, who they are. It'll never end,
The long days of critisism, false accusations, random assumptions.
Oh don't pretend like thats who you are, your being a complete fool.
Don't think it makes you look biggger, intriguing, authorative or cool.
Hypocrisy.
Dont try to look for excuses for your behavior,
Why sympathy and popularity is what you crave for.
You have fooled many but the biggest is yourself.
You try to think of situations where you aren't the bad person,
But it all leads back to you not making any sense at all, again just you not being yourself.
Hypocrisy.
You cry to find a reason to cry.
This isn't who you are, just a simple soul looking for something to stand by.
Well it's funny your told to look in the mirror, the way you steam like tea,
Because whenever I look in the mirror hypocrisy stares at me.

Why do I feel, when it hurts so much.
Happiness and joy, the fun that we clutch
Onto in bad times. I don't know why I cant Smile.
I feel so uncomfortable, annoyed and wild.
Mixed emotions i'm not even sure of.
My guard wall is breaking, I'm no longer tough.
Does this come with age, puberty's rage.
"Aah Gaah", I say What the baby says.
All time, clustered, dark world, mustard.
Confused situations, pushed and combined together.
You think it'll be over. This lasts forever.
I hate classes, i don't know why.
I feel to fist the wall, throw a tantrum and cry.
Everything's OK, I have everything I want right.
Dreadful thoughts challenge me, I'm living a rich man's life.
The fancy life or money and fame.
Where life is a game.
Round three is where you stop to choose
To win but oops you loose.
"Gooba Gabba Aah" Worst day,
For everyday I say what the baby says.