let it be silent so that I can hear my thoughts.
there is a constant mumbling of unrecognizable words.
I know im supposed to hear and understand but nothing is making sense.

invisible is a good way to describe what I am.
people have made a lasting impression on me that i want removed.
everything was a waste because as quickly as things appear they are gone.

sinking slowly into a hole that is being dug beneath me by faces I know.
soon enough ill be suffocating from the dense black dirt they throw down on me.
maybe they assume ill grow into something better.

lost out in a field of tall grass i cant see over.
only 10 feet from freedom but blinded and turn towards certain isolation.
without hope im abandoned.

sleep is the only comfort available recently.
because its the closest I can be to death without making a commitment.
flirting with death each night, but playing it like a game as I have been many times.

Tell me this,
how nice is paradise
is everything free
or is it cut price
Is it Harrods or a Tesco?
That's what I'd like to know.

Do you sit do you sing
do you do anything
or do you just float in the air
are there many up there?

can you fall in love
or is it just him up above you adore
what do you wear?
I care to know.

One day I'll go and give it a shot
will you forget me not?
in the gardens of Eden we'll meet
parting is not sweet
just bitter.

As we fall so shall we rise
where the truth became the lies and the blue that I saw was not the blue deep in your eyes
but the shadows that played underneath azure skies
where judgements like wine
flowed from the vine and the pillars of palaces wrapped in pearl necklaces
came tumbling down.
In the time of nothing and plenty where nothing sufficed
and sacrifices were made upon the altars of Gods we no longer prayed too
and the blue that I saw was not there any more but had challenged itself to turn grey.

This was another day that I sat and waited for inspiration to come
Grey
no sun, just grey
where the lights fade away and the colours wash dry and the cry that tries to creep out from my parched lips is stripped of its sound
and no sound issues forth but a grunting (pig that I am..of course)
Then in the distance it takes for time to make its movements around the night where the aches and the pain can only be cured by (novo.'co)caine'
and in the backlots where hotshots sold cheap goods on the side
I slide deeper in the dark and by the lake within the park where the ducks have long gone to the market a song comes to mind,
(pack up your troubles in your old kit bag..)
and I find it's not that bad
it's not that great
I can take a little stress so let them try to mess with me and we'll see what we will see when I rise to find the blue becomes again the colour in your eyes and the shining from your face is the sun set in another place..yes the day has come once more
the day that I once read about and swore it was a fairy tale.
Thus again the light shines upon the madness of our times and I for one am glad
that today it doesn't seem so mad
but we shall see.

"Bye", I said.
Over the phone, which was foolish.
You were entitled to more than that.
It was foolish to dwell on the inevitability of last days together.
For fifteen months I waited and doubted.  
A beautiful hummingbird on my finger.
You never flew off.
Even when coldly advised you to do so.
Even when I had little to feed you.
Mesmerized by you, you delicacy.
But **** it all, it's ended.
I shook you off my finger and stuck up the other.
Tonight we bed down miles apart.
Lonely alone, and lonely in company.
And our love burned, but stung me sorely.
A man never repaired and prepared.
Old love scars that didn't heal.
Always frightened and delirious.
Letting my wells run dry.
So much of me hopes you call for me in the morning.  
And come despite my cold heart and shoulder.
Reject my last word, my deadly three letters.
Persist as I resist.
Stopping only when we find our wings woven and our nest warm.

Pain rips through me like a lightening bolt hell bent to destroy
Paralizing fear suddenly drain all previous joy
Confusion leaves me motionless unknowing as what to do
A loneliness so deep scream to me the things that I already knew
River of tears flow continuously from blood shot eyes
Fairy tale becomes fantasy fantasy becomes unfulfilled promises and ugly lies

What could be more disheartening
than to fail those close to you
And to thus fail yourself-- watching success depart

No goal, no ambition
No passion, no itchin'
I know not who I am, to I
to others' outside my mind's eye
No longer a longing.

A world outside
One separate in

If they do  not care

why should I