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I always pictured this one girl
I drew her out to have this gentle twirl
She would have long brown hair
Running down her back, so fair
She would have pale white skin
One hundred and one hair pins

She would wear the prettiest yellow dress
And she would be perfect for me
But she would tease you with what you could only see
She whispered funny things in your ear
You’re the only one who could hear
While we spend these times in your car
Everything parked and night afar
She would have these lovely curls
Wearing these hidden white pearls
She was what I could only imagine
The thought of her was my one true passion

We would run around with these engaged hands
And land at the beach into these old sands
You said to me, “Stop thinking of me, silly”
I never known what she meant
Until it came to me sent
She kneeled next to me
Gave me this long lasting sad smile with her perfect green eyes
Giving me these last sighs
“You’ll be happy one day, just wait a little longer”
I never had to make such a long ponder
My yellow dress girl vanished from me
Leaving me all alone with this open sea
Those last words took a great toll
Feeling like I was falling down this hole

All my love is genuine
Just love for me is in this pen
I write all these love poems
Hundreds of words for you my dear
I never meant to be so unclear
It’s true I lost you when I needed you the most
Creating these thoughts to stay as my mind host
Distracting these retired emotions
Setting these feelings with inventive motions
Erasing that flower dancing yellow dress
I will not be your tossed away mess
I've always cared for you my sweetheart
I’m just sorry that I broke your gentle heart
- T.G.

This is for a girl.
I feel it.
It’s inside me.
The ever-present
Emptiness
I seek to fill.
Nothing ever seems to be able
To fill it.

Music?
The sound echoes through the silence
But isn’t intense enough.

Tears?
They just pour into an endless chasm
Leaving me feeling emptier than before.

Laughter?
A feeble attempt at cramming the vacuum
With that loud, happy (?) breathlessness.

Hugs?
Not even the tightest can reach
Those deep, dark depths.

I just feel
Hollow.

Not knowing
Why.
I should listen to Cristel.
 May 2013 PenNameBree-Z
kenzo
Your pale grass colored eyes flickered towards me in the passenger seat;
cigarette out the window
I stare at my ruby colored lips in the side view mirror
You drum your fingers on the wheel to Blue Bossonova
I remember the dream catcher hanging from the mirror catching my eye;
a majestic golden hue from the sunlight reflecting off of it.

We weren't supposed to be driving the car,
We both knew this, but we were rebels
So I had climbed out my window without my parents knowing
ripping my jeans in the process
just to be with you.

Had I known it would be the last time I'd touch you;
Had I known it would be the last time I'd kiss your lips
I would have stayed in my bed
The Shins blaring through my headphones
Thinking about all the things I'm going to do with you

Had I known it would be the last time seeing you smile
The last time hearing you breathe
Hearing you talk
     Touching your skin
I would have obeyed my parents rules for once.

Instead of staring at your pretty green eyes
I stare at the pretty headlights coming our way
I feel the car swerve to the left;
the dream catcher falling
The car spinning like a dradle in the air
It was like everything were in slowmotion
As I look over at you in horror
your pale green eyes flicker away from mine
closing as if to say
"I'm sorry."
The car comes to a hault.
You were motionless as we were upside down
Tears fall down my ****** cheeks
I scream at you to wake up;
but you wouldn't
Then I stopped wasting my breath
I stopped
Like your heart

Had I known it would be the last time I'd touch you;
Had I known it would be the last time I'd kiss your lips
I would have stayed in my bed
The Shins blaring in my headphones
because now I'm fantasying about all the things we could have done

About all the things we could have said
like
"You're paying for the electrical bill this time."
or
"I do."
Now I'm stuck listening to Blue Bossonova
blaring in my headphones
thinking about all the things I'd have to do without you

Had I known
 May 2013 PenNameBree-Z
marina
i'm lost,
(no) i'm found--
s l o w l y
but
surely
becoming
u n b o u n d
and i'm a mess right now but that's okay because not knowing what the hell to do is teaching me a lot about myself, and for that, i'm thankful.
I should navigate
perspiring inspiration along the lonely streets
which are bottled desolation
but I stay here,
where once the candelabra shot sparks up to the chandelier
and that in turn shed tears of light which danced along the the gloomy walls
in palaces where ***** were held.

Spellbound I am shunned
outgunned by the desperate and dissolute
who eye up my shiny suit.
I've got to get away
pass my day among those who have passed away
sat beside the tombstones of yesterday
but I stay here trapped by my fears
and the years slip through my hands.

From the graves come two choices
in loud voices I'm told to take hold
and hang on
then the voices are gone
there's just the fluttering breeze as it whispers through the leaves
and the trees are silent.

I brood acquiescence
nod my head and arise
wipe the dirt from my face and my eyes behold
all that was told
and it's empty
blank space.
I've got to get out of this place
but the candles burn low and then, where is there to go?
and again I am trapped by the years that are wrapped
and draped over my shoulder.
I see this boy every now and then.
Every sunset and sundown, he walks into my view.
And what I see is a boy lost in a sea of torn faces.
However, he tames himself and continues with his duties.
Readjusts his tight collar, tune his hat, and sags his jeans,
Because that’s what society clothes him in.

But I’ve seen days where this boy is barely lit.
Like a faded glass, there is little shine in his eyes.
The coal within his chest quietly dies out slowly through his lungs.
And after the smoke rises up, he cries like the heavens.
I endure the flood, but just as I swim forth to him
He takes in the smoke and readjusts his tight collar, tune his hat, and sag his jeans;
Because that’s what society clothes him in!

Locked behind the mirror, my fist bleeds against the glass
And my voice tramples against the edges!
Tearing every fiber just so can preach to his ear
The smiles of those he’s touched deep in their hearts!
I want to him to take in the air that mists around him of confidence!
For I have had enough of letting him each sunrise and sundown drowning under the sea of scars!
Am I tall enough? Am I manly enough? Am I a good person?

Yes, your height is fine, be proud, you’re taller than Tom Cruise!
Yes, you bare the strength of a thousand men in one beat of your heart!
And yes, yes even when you destroyed the girl of your dreams heart,
You fought like no other person to make her smile again!
Deep inside you, buried six feet under, is a man.
A man who you were parading this world as this entire time!

And I press my face against the edge of the glass,
And my voice stretches out to him,
And our eyes cross lights,
But then he readjusts his hat, smiles;
His lips move about with the slightest steps.
Another sunrise and another sunset, he’ll keep walking despite the rain.
He flicks the lights to fade black and gone again through the door.
Ten minutes resounded throughout the vault of his mind.
It was the time set before the big match he was ordered to throw in.
An Italian immigrant, Jimmy was a man of few words.
But with his gaze, which I’ve seen before, you could see his stories.
And through them, he was left little choice, but to be a dog
For a gang of sharks; all to keep his family away from their teeth.

And before he could settle the debts with his conscious,
He marched to meet his maker before the blood stained ring.
Slick, with what seemed like squid oil, his hair shined like the northern star.
A cocky Chicago **** by the name of Machesturn.
They met gloves as dictated, but in one second
A dagger like spit ball fell against Jimmy’s glove.

And into the first round, the bell rings like it’s judgment day.
Machestrun flies back like a sparrow, weaving and bobbing,
But my man Jimmy poses still like the great thinker,
Feeling the weight of such a small drop grind its way off his pride.
And in no time, Machesturn begins his assault
With every punch shattering Jimmy’s castle.
Like Atlas giving up on his duty for the world,
Jimmy listens with every earth shattering punch
The screams of his soul wanting to be free.

A left hook; he sees his mother,
A woman who could take the breath of the sun and fill him with light.
A right hook; he sees his father.
A man who lost three fingers in one of his 17 hour jobs.
And even so he worked despite that he’ll never give his family the life they deserve,
But he’ll work his back even after the camel breaks.
And with the upper-cut, his castle grinds to dust.

He sees his sister, Anna-Maria.
She’s turning twenty if his memory served him right
For he had not seen this beautiful girl since they had first arrived in the land of hope.
She deserved a life better than what God ever had in store for her.
He wanted her to smile till rapture,
He wanted her to shine like the stars in the big screens,
And he wouldn’t let her doubt herself, he wouldn’t let others tell her she was any less, but perfect.
Oh no, he would scream before that happens, he would **** before that happens,
He would bleed before that happens, and he would die before that happens!

And with that, Jimmy takes a step back with the fortitude of a mountain,
Eyes geared forward and piercing with the determination of a hawk!
His right arm comes forth bearing the souls of those past in heaven and hell,
With the eruption of his soul screaming like the opera singer he had dreamed of!
To sand became Machesturn’s jaw and Jimmy’s collar flung off.
 May 2013 PenNameBree-Z
Tea
She sat down next to me and we opened up
As if we had been friends for years
She told me her life
As she came close to tears
Spilling into me
What had taken years
And I lent her words
And she lent her ears
And I talked and talked
And listened so close
Because the words exchanged
Felt so raw, so exposed
Feeling nearness
Feeling understood
Like life outside of me
Wasn’t misunderstood
And at the end
She asked me my name
Beauty in a stranger
I’ll never be the same
the world really
isn't such a lonely place

— The End —