Now
I don't normally do this
And
I wouldn't normally say this
So I'm writing this
The idea hasn't elevated to speech
In my head
It is there
But I'm not sure it'll ever reach my lips
But
I've loved you so long
And
Again I don't normally do this
In fact
I never do this
But
I pray and I ask and I yearn
For the day
When everything is natural
And
We are united under the Sun
Or the Moon
Preferably the Moon
Because the Sun is nice
But the Moon is beautiful
And
If we were to be something
That is deserving of unification
Under such a wonderous thing
The gentle light bouncing off your unreal grace
Your aura radiating through your space
And invading my body like disease
I would probably fall to my knees
And die right at your feet
Because
I'm a sucker
And
I'm a fool
And
I know nothing else
But to buckle at your words
Your beauty
Your face
Your energy
Your grace
Our chemistry
This place
This closed and open gate
This disgustingly fulfilling state of mind

Waves long for shores
Foaming for touch
Lusting for howl of wind
For night falling to knee’s
Of silence

Only in these thinnest moments
Do I find myself missing you

Lover of guilt and thorn
Girl dressed in abandonment
Singer of arias in the key of
Death
A broken cord
Hanging in dissidence

I was not listening soft enough
To make out the resonance of tears  
Beneath the vibrations of moans

This is not another memory I will let bloom
As a black rose wishing it was white or read



       This is just to say
That we loved like the bottom
Of the ocean
Reaching upward with
The tremble fingers of the sea

I remember the time you came over.
You stayed for the weekend
We sat on my bed
Ate all kinds of food
Listened to the radio
And talked about everything.
Girls,
Boys,
Dreams,
Desires,
Nightmares,
Souls,
God,­
The Devil,
Heaven,
Hell
And everything inbetween.
I remember when my sister bursted in
Through the door
We were being silent
Just looking at each other
My heart was racing
I wanted to grab your face and
Kiss you.
I'm not sure what you were
Thinking about,
But it seemed like you were thinking the same.

I remember how she turned up the music
Because a song came on.
They both knew the words
And I sat there,
Mesmerized
By the way your lips moved so
Rhythmically
To the words
How they just flowed out of your lips.
I remember how your
Eyes were closed
So you could really take in the song.
You started smiling
The song made you laugh
You have every reason to be happy.

I think I now notice why the Album to that song is called "Recovery".
Even though it may be about drugs or even getting out of some sort of trouble,
To me it means being recovered from love,
Because love can be so easy--
And a hard hitter
When it's sitting right in front of you
Singing beautifully to a song
You've never even tried to like before.

All I think this
Needs
Is a sprinkle of
You.

I'm too afraid to say
Hello.
To start a conversation.
But I can write
About your
Eyes
That scream
Innovation.

I am not ashamed to love you
As i sit here and cry
I am not ashamed to have love-d you.
No I am not ashamed to cry for you.
I am not ashamed to love you.
With every fibre of my being.
With every sin, with every moral
with every, ****** hair on my head.
I am not afraid to love you.
I am more afraid of not loving you, than loving you.
I am afraid of you loving me.
I am more afraid of you loving me more than i have even been afraid in my life.
Because than that makes love real.
I lost my love a long time way back when.
It's not important.
There's details in the details.
But my faith in loving you will not wane, falter, stop or die.
I am not ashamed to cry waterfalls of salty tears into my hands for you.
I am not ashamed of messaging you 3am in the morning to see how you are.
and getting no reply.
I am not ashamed to know that my attempts to love you are futile.
Yes, you.
You who would want to punch me in the face, the throat, the clavicles of my heart
to stop me, from loving, you.
I am not ashamed to love you like you were my only love.
I will sing for you in the car my love, i will hold your hand, i will bake you muffins,
My love.
And you would want to **** my very smile with your eyes.
I am not ashamed to lie on my bathroom floor with arms in my chest, with pain in my stomach, and my eyes blind,
from loving, you.
I am not.
I am not.
I am not.
I am not ashamed to be the laughing stock of my friends, family and lovers past;
for loving losers like you,
for loving someone like you,
for loving someone who didn't deserve me,
treated me like ****,
beat me,
use me, washed me up and dried me out, hung me out.
No i am not ashamed.
I am not ashamed to cry these tears because i lost you.
I am not ashamed to cry these tears because i am not in your arms.
For my heart beats strong.
For all these years,
through all these lovers,
through all these partners,
through all these ******, *******, tears.
For i love you more, each day.
For in this world where there is more hatred, pain, sorrow, suffering and loss
I would rather be ashamed for loving you,
than hating you for loving you once.

'We can only truly hate something we once also loved'
Logic eh? What else makes sense in this world?