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excuse me babe, your perfect as you are..
never change ...please
despite whether people say your not good enough,
i fall over my own feet when you walk by...
and i choke up when you talk to me so i cant form words...
so stay you, cause if you change you may forget who you really are.
you already are perfect, flawless..
It's a new day.
And even the mistakes I made yesterday....
Are washed away.
The things I fail at today...
Will be different from the things i fail at tomorrow.
I've learned it's okay to mess up....
That I can't be perfect for every body.
I don't like being stuck I'm the middle...
But to move on, I guess ya gotta start somewhere.
It's a new day (:
It's a new day.
And even the mistakes I made yesterday....
Are washed away.
The things I fail at today...
Will be different from the things i fail at tomorrow.
I've learned it's okay to mess up....
That I can't be perfect for every body.
I don't like being stuck I'm the middle...
But to move on, I guess ya gotta start somewhere.
It's a new day (:
It's a new day.
And even the mistakes I made yesterday....
Are washed away.
The things I fail at today...
Will be different from the things i fail at tomorrow.
I've learned it's okay to mess up....
That I can't be perfect for every body.
I don't like being stuck I'm the middle...
But to move on, I guess ya gotta start somewhere.
It's a new day (:
It's a new day.
And even the mistakes I made yesterday....
Are washed away.
The things I fail at today...
Will be different from the things i fail at tomorrow.
I've learned it's okay to mess up....
That I can't be perfect for every body.
I don't like being stuck I'm the middle...
But to move on, I guess ya gotta start somewhere.
It's a new day (:
Todays a new day!
The Lord has made
I will rejoice and be glad
amen..:)
Nobody likes anyone whose perfect.
yet how come we all strive to be perfection?
seems like we always want what we don't need.
we make it our every effort to be flawless for everyone else.
caring so much about the way others see us,
we forget to just be our selves...
Feeling so disconnected from the world
yet trying so hard just to feel accepted
we forget what it means to just be, without striving all the time.
never realizing that perfection is the you, without trying.
If i died tonight i wouldent want regrets to follow.
you love these cheating, lusting hearts god,
and you buy us back from the darkness, when we
chase and glorify idols.
Looking back i remember the nights when i betrayed you
and took a bottle instead of you, using it as a crutch..
Forgive me for the days when i CHOOSE not to honer you because i didn't FEEL like it.. forgive me for not worshiping you on Sundays cause i thought if i got to "rowdy" people might stare...im preaching one thing but practicing another...
God give me strength to overcome this..
i need you God
In an empty room
Just me, not much to look at.
Sitting on a bench. Skipped class. Just waiting to feel something ...
Even though its wrong
I just don't care anymore.
I'm alone....
I feel no need to succeed...
Not here
There's no point.
How can you say it's easy when it's **** HARD?
Just giveing up cause there's no point.
I'm sick of the same old **** I get from you..
I can't wait tell I'm out of this hell called school.
So for now I'm just starin at a puddle oink this empty floor...
Just me in the reflection..
Not much to look at.
I think it's time for him to leave.
I disagree.....
You know I spent countless hours on that RV!
I umderstand to a point but then I can't see, what you see.
We barly notice he's here, he even helps your husband on work he didn't have to commit to, but he did.
Whats so wrong with me wanting my RV back!?
Cause are two story house and three cars isn't enough? Not to mention the fact that we have three TV,s **** it's sickening to me. Can't forget the iPad and the kindle or your laptop that we barly use , EXCUSE me but there's definitely something wrong if you can't see what's going on. We are drowning In our riches and were too prideful to share at all.
It's not like your gonna use it in the winter time..
So what if it wears down, someone's gonna do that, and ****** at least it's for a good cause!
Im insecure
Im scared and unsure
Of myself.
I don’t really play video games
Or read a lot of books.
Im not that smart
But I like to pretend I am in front of you.
And infront of you im one person,
With myself im another.
Ive made a lot of mistakes
That one day ready or not all have to face…
Im a fanatic about piano and I sing A LOT
Im sure it annoys a lot of people. But that’s okay.
Sometimes I don’t understand who I am or even know what to do next.
But I guess that’s when I put my faith in God and just rest.
Im just like you.
I hate being rejected,
I hate conflicts
And I have issues too…
I guess if you really think about it,
Im not that much different than you.
i can see light at the end of the darkness now.
i can see hope through this dead end
i could hear God  loud and clear now telling me,
leave fear and doubt behind you.... get up and shake the worry of your soul...
.. im not done with you yet...
i have a plan for you
you havent failed me
i never left you i was always riht there with you
i was just waiting tell you were ready to follow me
i had to get you to the place were you would listen first
and your destiny is only beginning
dont loose hope.... im not finished with you yet

i am ready now
"YOU CAN TRUST ME".
words that mean so little now...
words that are just thrown in a sentence without knowing the true meaning of it all.
i believed you... i believed you in a heart beat
and in a second, it all meant nothing.. nothing at all...
why?
i needed you....
no worries though im used to my life  being treated like a joke..
yet i guess ive become numb to it now... i just thought that...maybe you ...wouldn't....but no...gosh
you think i haven't been called a ***** enough this week?
think i haven't been called a waste of space and told to just go **** myself enough?....
people handing me pills saying "there's a bathroom over there, go overdose and die...."
do you think i haven't heard that enough????
i just thought .....that maybe, you.......that maybe you would still be there for me...
i thought that maybe INSTEAD of leaving me in the darkness and slamming my emotions in the ground  that maybe that was a place you just wouldn't go...
that through hard times you would say... hey look im gonna stand by you in this....forever. hand and hand we will get through this together..
but i guess my hopes were a little to high for it all...
i guess i gotta a little ahead of myself..... i needed you..
...i needed you then... i need you now..
where do i turn now?
i hate this.... i hate being treated as if my life is some super funny joke...
i needed you...
I feel so overwhelmed...
Right now I don't know what to think..
Snap out of it Grace he deserved it.
It's not the same between us anymore.
What happened to you?
What happened to us dad?
"I heard you recorded your first CD...
That's so great.."
"... I'm having a show daddy."
"I wish you could be there"
"Can you come?"
"Ohh... Your busy?... No it's fine..I understand"
Did I mention I miss you?
Even though I see you, I don't really see you... Cause your not ever really there..
I wish you were.
I wish you cared more...
I wish you could hold me now...
Ohhh your busy?
No it's fine I understand.....
I wish I could tell you how confused I am.
I wish you could tell me it's all gonna be okay and sort this out for me...
Am I a bad person?
Am I a disgrace to you?
Scream if you must but these questions are real....
I need you now daddy. Dad where are you?
Am I doing the right thing?
Don't answer that... I know you wouldn't anyway.
Dad? Are you listening?
Ohhh okay I'll try again some other time...
We have one shot...
One shot at life
a calling is on this nation, this generation
And it is OUR choice how we live our lives
I think, what is life about?
I believe it's in believing that we can conquer the passion to take a step of faith and to take a grip onto our calling and to rise up ONE church ONE bride full of every generation, every race, every dinominashion, and every message and create ONE fiery passion that will bring all of us to our knees...
ONE church that on our way we are already feeling the anointing and so thick that you feel like you can cut it in half and just rest in it.
Lifes about taking chances, it's about making
connections... It's about dancing through hardships an dancing through the good.
We have one shot At this life.
You see I've been waiting for your call back.
Cause to hear your voice is all i need even though i don't deserve that.
I know i made a mistake and baby hate I that,
I didn't trust you but I love you please just call back.
Cause I'm dying without you here, nothing feels right, without you in my life.
Ohhh baby!
Ive got to feel your touch again.... will you let me in?
I knock on your door at 3 come on i i know your in there
you open the door and i say one more time, baby?
I know we just had a break up but Lets just make up and then we'll make love.
Have good good ***.
we can let it all out, and forget it all, so baby are you gon give me a call?
See sleeping alone just aint the same.
And baby day in and day out i wanna show you how,
I really am the one.
please don't say were done
You deserve such a big apology.
Even though me blaming you deserves so much more than words.
You've got understand I didn't mean to hurt you.
Remember when we first met, you were hurting, i was the only one not disconcerting you. I gave you something to relate to.
You wanted to feel something so I gave it to you,
i made you feel love and i set you free of,
everything you were scared of, come on baby lets go ****.
A made up scenario of a break up
(not really a poem, just thoughts)
(This is what I think God would want me to say in this time)
Beloved, listen carefully in these days
There are some who will try everything in their power to get you to stop fighting for what you believe. To get you to forget, and do something you’ll regret.
People will tell you that you cant do what you want to achieve in Me.
They will beat you, spit on you telling you your worthless, and not good enough.
BUT LISTEN to Me, I tell you, forget them. Keep their foolish words as far away from your soul as you can. Because if you listen, they will spiritually destroy you, Beloved, remember what the enemy wants. Division, distruction, and to slowly get you to crawl back to your old ways, and loose sight of Me.
But I say do not dwell In your old ways, throw them to the bottom of the ocean and leave them.
I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE SURFACE, I care about your heart. If you want an encounter from me, be real with me….
PERFECT LOVE CASTS OUT ALL FEAR..
your mouth could be saying yes but your heart….says no… I don’t look at you as people on this earth, only looking at the surface. I care about your heart.
When you have FEAR, it exposes and takes over you and it controls you and makes you lack hope in ME….


Beloved,
There is nothing in this life that I give you, that will be to difficult for you. You WILL go through trials and hard ships to get you to the place were you will listen, it will be hard but if that’s what it takes to bring you to your knees and hear Me, it will only cause you to grow more like me spiritually. Yet I will NOT leave you. Do NOT live your life in fear, of what other people think, don’t live your life striving to be perfect, you will only fall farther and farther into the devils pit of lies.
Perfect peace
Surpasses
All
Understanding
My mind is going insane.
Just trying to figure out what I rely on.
Is it you? I'm doubtful.
It all seems so unclear now.
Just trying to figure out what I'm even thinking...
Are you everything you say you are?
I feel you pestering me, bugging me over and over again
Can't you just let me be?
Help me separate my thoughts, make it clearer.
Figure this out for me!
Am I wrong or right?
Is there a wrong or right, or do we just think so?
Push me in the right direction.
I want to be for you!
So show me!
Show me you, give me all of you so I can give you all of me.
Robyn,  my dear friend, my sister....
Forgive me....
What I say is true..
I wish my words could have been heard in a different place, at a different time.
You are so precious, so beautiful, and wise....
You straighten peoples crooked paths
You invite people to dance through their hardships and smile in their best.
You are a gem, you are valued you are important you are blessed and beautiful...
What I was feeling... I did mean.
I felt like no matter what I said I was wrong...
But listen, that does not mean I don't love you, you are the world to me,
You are and always have been A sister to me...
We have An amazing bond ...
To many inside jokes to count..
Fifteen years going on sixteen,
You know me like noother as I know you:)
We tell eachother everything because
we know we can trust eachother:)
Forgive me,
Forgive me for the times I have hurt you, forgive me for the times I haven't been there to support
you and lift you up..
Forgive me for anytime I have ever turned agInst you and took someone elses side,
Forgive me if I have favored someone else over you.
Dont let people bring you down....
Dont let others make you feel like your less then who you are.
Dont let the harsh people craft you into something your not.
And I know your amazing at being yourself and it's beautiful.
Be encouraged by knowing God IS WITH YOU
He WILL stand hand and hand by your side,
And he will never ever EVER put you in a situation that you can't handle,
Meaning you will get through every hardship and every situation you are approaching or already in.
He has given you what it takes, he will provide the courage that you need to have.
I love you girl. I love you as my friend and my sister
You are amazing girl I'm here for you :)
Dance, dance with me,
Take me to the edges of the earth
And romance me, show me
Your favorite
Stars in the sky as the moon settles in it's place
At midnight
My secret must be told
I can no longer keep it
Hidden in between my veins
....... Deep in my soul it's breaking me down
Release
Shots were fired, skimming her ears...
down in the shallow alleys lay her two friends...****** and tortured...
it could have been  her... shattered with her guilt covered in leather
cracked and in beaded with black studs hanging off her belt, added with a past hidden with an abandoned daughter it was her........ " see where ive come dad! see what ive become!"  she crys
she looks down at a rain puddle viewing her reflection..
"who am i?"
hopeless she ponders her thoughts of her father and she remembers te night she saw her mom get shot...she remembers the day he showed her how to use a gun...
"im worthless now!" she crys again..
"is there ANY hope for me God? the one who could barly step foot out of a jail.... for me?
God said " yes even in you, there is still hope.."
The ashes fall
The wine spills...
Whats appealing to me I know it's not humanity.
How can I sleep when there's all these people falling around me.
I'm loosing my mind.... I see it running off now ha.
******* to my head pow pow, I fake it all the time.
Who am i to not even realize that there's people out there chained to brick and just **** like that.....Lord.
My daddy told me when I was young to stay away from **** like that.. He's seen it with his own eyes... God bless America. Sweet land of **** them all and let them die......
I wanna leave my mark on this world.... They say you can make someones day by a smile. But you can save the life of a child.
**** Lord  show me how to do it.
YOU where the one that touched the untouched, gave voice yo the voicless and healed the ones that had no hope, am I wrong?
If your inside me Show me how I can be that strong...
Cause theres a stirring in my heart God.
Tell me there's some way I can feed the hungry or give hope to the hopeless.
Cause to me it just doesn't seem right for me to be sure about his hope in my heart and not share it.
Joy is the atmosphere of heaven...
Help me be that atmosphere Lord.
Help me change the coarse of this generation..
Show me.
Thomas, He's amazing..
Yet that dosent even come close to describing his true meaning.
He's not afraid of his fears, because he knows that fear has no place in his heart when it comes.
He's a lover of many, and steals there hearts was he walks in the room:)
He looks over his shoulder and as do I.. He smiles his glowing smile and I smile back, but that was all.
Loyal, he keeps his promises.. And never fails to forget.
Loving, he forgives the ones who have caused him pain and moves on..
Hopeing, he chases after his many dreams, and without a doubt I know he will achieve them!
Blessed, he Uses his god given gifts and lifts others up
Determined, he rebukes the curses that others throw at him and,
Rejoicing, he smiles :)


...to define him? Its impossible...
But he's an amazing friend.. A friend whose always been there..
he's someone I wish I could be like..
He's amazing...
im so sick of screaming into my pillow, and banging my fist into my bed... making a reck of myself
so sick of playing stupid mind games to keep from thinking about it...
im so sick of acting like im okay with never seeing you....
so sick of trying to keep these tears from coming, and when they do
im so sick of hiding them behind closed doors
....biting down on my cloths so no one can hear me
daddy the only place i wanna be is in your arms....
i hate this.....
what will take this anger away?
so sick of not being able to write about anything else...
but you,
you don't even know this blog exists.
so sick of holding a grip on the poles of my head board that my hand goes numb,
hoping if i hold on long enough,
if i scream loud enough,
...cry hard enough...
that maybe i wont care anymore.
she said forget it, it wont happen... you'll never see him anymore then you do now..
do you not see how happy i am when im with him..
only one word of her saying yes could fix this...
nothing else...
and im so sick of it!
so i run....
run away
tell she cant find me
tell she forgets my existence
im sure it wouldn't be hard for her to do  
i run far away
until
i finally
become reunited
with you again.
ill run until i can jump into your arms
tell i can tell you how much ive missed you
and wonderd when i could see you again...
i would tell you
..that i love you
and i would never want to leave..
mom dont make me leave....
let me stay with my dad
ill be okay
please...
listen to me
i need this
i need him, with me..
please?
reposting this one
im so sick of screaming into my pillow, and banging my fist into my bed... making a reck of myself
so sick of playing stupid mind games to keep from thinking about it...
im so sick of acting like im okay with never seeing you....
so sick of trying to keep these tears from coming, and when they do
im so sick of hiding them behind closed doors
....biting down on my cloths so no one can hear me
daddy the only place i wanna be is in your arms....
i hate this.....
what will take this anger away?
so sick of not being able to write about anything else...
but you,
you don't even know this blog exists.
so sick of holding a grip on the poles of my head board that my hand goes numb,
hoping if i hold on long enough,
if i scream loud enough,
...cry hard enough...
that maybe i wont care anymore.
she said forget it, it wont happen... you'll never see him anymore then you do now..
do you not see how happy i am when im with him..
only one word of her saying yes could fix this...
nothing else...
and im so sick of it!
so i run....
run away
tell she cant find me
tell she forgets my existence
im sure it wouldn't be hard for her to do  
i run far away
until
i finally
become reunited
with you again.
ill run until i can jump into your arms
tell i can tell you how much ive missed you
and wonderd when i could see you again...
i would tell you
..that i love you
and i would never want to leave..
mom dont make me leave....
let me stay with my dad
ill be okay
please...
listen to me
i need this
i need him, with me..
please?
When you think you see...
You really don't.
All those things you say cause you think you have the control to manipulate me.
...When it just hurts
It's just like you to just stand there kicking dirt in my eyes telling me "just get up!!"
....it's not that easy, and you don't get it. So I guess I gotta point this out so you can understand IT.
"IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE, WHO FEELS LIKE I FEEL?!!"
Feeling stuck like your the only one trying to do the right thing anymore ....
Yet your surrounded by people who worship their sim... Stuck living the lie that you gotta fit it... You guys are tricked into thinking that the way you perform in front of
Your friends is how they decide whether your good enough when really there justnsearching for your flaws...!see I don't know about YOU but I'm tierd of choosing to drag behind someone else's shadow...living behind someone else's desguise I think they call it "living a lie"..see where I'm stuck is, when I'm trying to live for God, I automatically am shot out of the friend zone , ending up that its just me again. Vulnerable and alone. And the whole separating my self and playing piano alone ... Is getting old!! I know they say it won't be easy and it's a "relentless pursuit" but really? See its just like you to walk into my life and point out my flaws like daggers in my chest.. When your the one I am supposed to look up too. But when your not here where I'm at you REALLY don't know just how hard it is!! There is not one person I've met that seems to want the same thing as me...  "IF YOUR OUT THERE, WHERE ARE YOU?! PLEASE STEP UP!" Cause it's **** hard .. Do you not see my cry? I'm trying!!
But my crystal aren't loud enough... And it feels as though my prayers never leave me... Behind closed doors hoping that if I scream loud enough or cry hard enough MAYBE just MAYBE you'll hear me. Just realizing that you won't cause no ones really listening.... Hoping that if I hide behind this disquise long enough you'll forget who I used to be.. I miss you dad... I haven't seen you in 4 weeks do you hear me now? Friends, will you finally listen?.... Please if you'll just let me speak I will tell you.... Just don't let me speak only to find that your not really listening... How I see it ..... Is... PLEASE STAND UP!! If your striving and hurting please reach out!! Because there's people just like you and me, trying to decide whether to speak or to stay silent.. Cause there stuck finding that when they open up people don't seem to care what they have to say... All I'm asking is IF YOUR DO CARE.
V please stand up and ask me, ask your friends, ask your enemy's cause I hurry tee there's a lot more people "stuck" and hurting .. Just like you and me...
When you think you see...
You really don't.
All those things you say cause you think you have the control to manipulate me.
...When it just hurts
It's just like you to just stand there kicking dirt in my eyes telling me "just get up!!"
....it's not that easy, and you don't get it. So I guess I gotta point this out so you can understand IT.
"IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE, WHO FEELS LIKE I FEEL?!!"
Feeling stuck like your the only one trying to do the right thing anymore ....
Yet your surrounded by people who worship their sim... Stuck living the lie that you gotta fit it... You guys are tricked into thinking that the way you perform in front of
Your friends is how they decide whether your good enough when really there justnsearching for your flaws...!see I don't know about YOU but I'm tierd of choosing to drag behind someone else's shadow...living behind someone else's desguise I think they call it "living a lie"..see where I'm stuck is, when I'm trying to live for God, I automatically am shot out of the friend zone , ending up that its just me again. Vulnerable and alone. And the whole separating my self and playing piano alone ... Is getting old!! I know they say it won't be easy and it's a "relentless pursuit" but really? See its just like you to walk into my life and point out my flaws like daggers in my chest.. When your the one I am supposed to look up too. But when your not here where I'm at you REALLY don't know just how hard it is!! There is not one person I've met that seems to want the same thing as me...  "IF YOUR OUT THERE, WHERE ARE YOU?! PLEASE STEP UP!" Cause it's **** hard .. Do you not see my cry? I'm trying!!
But my crystal aren't loud enough... And it feels as though my prayers never leave me... Behind closed doors hoping that if I scream loud enough or cry hard enough MAYBE just MAYBE you'll hear me. Just realizing that you won't cause no ones really listening.... Hoping that if I hide behind this disquise long enough you'll forget who I used to be.. I miss you dad... I haven't seen you in 4 weeks do you hear me now? Friends, will you finally listen?.... Please if you'll just let me speak I will tell you.... Just don't let me speak only to find that your not really listening... How I see it ..... Is... PLEASE STAND UP!! If your striving and hurting please reach out!! Because there's people just like you and me, trying to decide whether to speak or to stay silent.. Cause there stuck finding that when they open up people don't seem to care what they have to say... All I'm asking is IF YOUR DO CARE.
V please stand up and ask me, ask your friends, ask your enemy's cause I hurry tee there's a lot more people "stuck" and hurting .. Just like you and me...
You think you can just shove words down my mouth?
You think you know who I am?... What I believe?
You just love making my struggles known don't you?
Throwing daggers at my heart makes you grin... You love judging me, making SURE in falling apart... At least I'm falling in the right direction..
Im the first you look for to blame, threatening me with your sickening power.. You never sympathize,
I swear you enjoy my pain!
THe righteous cry out
And the lord HEARS them
He DELIVERS them from all there troubles
The Lord is close....
To the broken hearted
And SAVES those who are
Crushed in sprit
A righteous man.....
May have many troubles
But the Lord
DELIVERS him from them all
He protects.....
All his bones
Not one of them will be broken.
Psalms 34:17-20
I hear the wind weaving it's way through the prickly branches.
I see the beauty of all the shades of this earth: summer, fall, winter, spring.
I hear the sound of T.V going on inside.
The sound of my mom making dinner.
I watch my chest move in and out as I breath deeply, feeling my mind working ruthlessly to figure out what I'm truly trying to concentrating on.
The minds a mystery.
Their many crys of mocking "your a Christian your a Christian!" have faded out...
Not because they have stoped mocking...
But because I've stopes listening.
Everytime they mock I just call on your name and they fade in my mind.
I boast in His name
I'm open about my faith
They ask why I'm so happy, where do I find my happiness,
I share my testimony...
I will not back down
I've seen to much to stop believing the devil knows that he can't get me to denie Him so he's trying to enable me by getting me depressed but I won't stop dancing I won't stop worshiping.
Now is the time to rejoice!
Now is the time for singing!
Stop holding back,
Be FREE
And dwell in Gods love :)
be FREE
give up your worry and your doubt
All who are weak,
You will find strength in God, alone
Find strength and
Be FREE!
push aside insecurity,
Your not a lost sheep....
find identity in Christ
All who are hopeless
You who are covered in a dull mixture of tears and darkness
Be lifted up in Christ.
And embrace your identity in Him.
The thought of you,
wont leave me..
Yet,
when the frosty wind kicks over
and bumps my soul
i sweep my face over my shoulder..
...only to find that your not there
the hurt has made its escape to my
outside..
and crumbles away
only to become the dirt it came from..
As i walk in the house scattered glass... her rosemary perfume was spilled on the ground. ****** fist and punctured glass. i joined in begging them to stop... start screaming please stop...just please stop..just stop... but they don't listen, to a child that has so much to say/ so much untold anger, and devastation. But they don't listen to me/ so i wipe my tears and say don't cry don't cry. stay strong for another day! even though i know my family's falling apart, and i watch it crumble down till it joins the dust behind my walls... and it plays over and over in my head like a CD stuck on its track... as he curses me he dosent see my rivers of tears, he is so blind to my broken heart, and she watches me fall apart...
Theres so many things that I will never get
So many things that everyone seems to understand but not me
For example, what the hell is a two year marriage then it's over?
And what the hell is a parent walking out on her beautiful daughter?
You think it's okay for her to grow up and wonder why she wasn't good enough for you.
am I suppose to believe you did the right thing
That giving up is the answer when it gets hard
Was it to dull for you darlin?
First of all your opinions make no sense.
Where was your faith in this one?
Did god just sit out?
Why does love always have a deadline?
since when did hate overcome peace making?
and why is giving up always the go to answer when things get hard?
Tell me what is love to you?
Does getting divorced,
getting *****,
Having angry bursts,
Not calling or letting people know you care,
And abandoning your kids sound like love to you?
Look further then your loves circumstantial issues and move on.
Stop using life's struggles as an excuse to be weak and leave.
Do the right thing and stay together.
Stay strong, when everything tells you to just give up!
Stay standing on the foundation you created with the person you fell in love with.

She played with your emotions.
Causing you to not know who you were anymore.
Depression is destructing,
You let it break down your walls
And burry it's claws in your skin.
I've seen how it's hurt you
And I can't bare to see you hurt anymore.
It's been breaking me down just watching you live in pain
Please please please just let the chains fall off your weary back
Please heal
Heal...
Heal...
Let me help you get you on your feet again.
I do not walk around searching for acceptance from others.
No I do not care how many likes I get on that new selfie, I like photography and I value beauty in many ways.
No matter how much you think so,
I do not need your "incredibly life changing" word that Jesus supposedly gave you for me.
I definitely don't have to speak in tungs for God to hear me.
I don't need to have one night stands to feel loved and have worth.
I do not need your money, and no, money will NEVER fix all of your problems.
No I don't know the latest of what's happening with the kardashians, I have better things to do.
I don't need a big house I'd be fine with a one bedroom apartment.
I do not plan on marrying into money but if that happens, great.
Yes I like graffiti I think it's authentic and adds to the experience of the city.
I don't need or want **** or alchohol to have a good time.
I don't need to hear what you have to say about my make up or how I dress.
I like how I dress and I like me and I certainly  don't need your help to make me look how YOU want me to look.
I hate stereo types, I think you should too.
I like classical music and also rap.
I think to have dreams in life is a gift from God.
I see the beauty in tattoos and skin with none
I see the beauty in pale skin and the beauty in dark skin.
I don't think there is a such thing as a "normal person."
I'm real with God and talk to him about the confusions I have with him.
I say if you like ranch on your burger, get it.
I think piercings are fun.
My rooms not always clean.
And all together that sums up me:)
All together that sums up me:)
I feel so out of control
I feel like everyone thinks the worst of me
Constantly not knowing what they know of me
Knowing even if they don't know it yet i know it deep inside of me and it kills the best parts of me.
These things i only wanted to try
Like a temporary fix for all this *******.
God knows i never meant to hurt anybody.
But it's funny how the way you think things will play out is only stereotypical to the real thing....
It's crazy how after it happens its ALL your mind is controlled by.
And I hate it how I don't really know how to feel about things.
Do I smile when you say you FINALLY don't want me anymore and I want you.
Do I scream to the top of my lungs with hate when you say what I did wasnt that bad.
I don't  know how to feel when I sit in church.
I can't even look at you in the eye.
So I fog up reality with the tears i cry inside.
Once again.
It's happening again.
How much more pain do we have to suffer to feel our school is safe?
How much more do we have to be played with by cruel hands who crave evil attention.
The alarms sounded today and I saw men and women and teachers scared to death... "How could this happen again?"
Walking out to the fields they directed us to go I look around and see people crying, Falling apart because what happened the first time was unbearable enough and now they choose to mock us and traumatized us by acting as if this is just some little joke? As if....we are just some little joke..
Did you not see how we came out of it last time?
Though we were in overwhelming pain we inspired NATIONS.
Though we lost friends/family we stood up couragous and strong and reminded ages 1 to a hundred what it means to BE THERE for somebody.
Did you not see enough?
We will do t again..
Watch us, as one, stand up against this hand and hand with one neither and inspire you, inspire nations ONCE AGAIN!
Watch us surround our people with prayer and love.
Watch US create a undivided encouraging, inspiring group of people who ALWAYS FIGHT BACK with goodness.
You try to create evil,
How does it taste to watch us get closer to eachother as one?
You are only making us stronger as a people and you suffer because you have only shown us what it means to be strong and be a fighter.
We will ALWAYS GET BACK UP!
Because WE
ARE
MARYSVILLE PILCHUCK,
AND THAT,
That, is just what we do.
TOMAHAWK POWER
everybody wants to tell me what i need.
you can play a role in my life but not the lead.
look at who you're talking to.
nothing you say will change my identity in what i do.
i see how your life is playing out too ...
my eyes are messing with me...The world never stops spinning.
never knowing when Gods gonna make the world shake us.
never know when its my last day.
could be today.... ****.
and today, I'm thinking about what id be leaving without.
when i leave i don't want any regrets.
when you look through my past you're gonna see a bunch of wasted nights,
glorifying drugs and the prospective of the people... looking for love in the broken. leaving with nothing.
This whole time God, you've just been standing there... waiting for me to finally listen to the words you've spoken.
****... I'm sorry i haven't been listening.
all these times i couldn't find you.... you where right there beside me...
man, you never know whose right behind you.
I gotta be careful cause Ive got some younger people that look up to me.
God, you've foreseen my future, you've painted it out like a glistening picture.
i think its time i really look at my life.
take a new look from fresh prospective,
and stop making it my objective to live life my way.
cause i tried it that way, cliche.
i heard tomorrows not promised
i don't wanna leave with regrets.
Yes I saw it all....
I was there in my room trying not to listen but they are so loud.
Its been six years and I regret them all..
I heard the words he said to you....  I watched the cascading tours fall into their ruin, left to you to deal with.....
Remember when it was just you and me? Then he came in and took everything away from me... Mom, he took you away from me!
We would be better off without him he's a **** anyways.....
He glares, staring he won't look away... It's like his own form of torture for me...
Why him?
Get out of my life!
What am i doing?
As i am pacing i wonder
he feels so good, yet its so wrong....
i cant help but want him this badly..
who am i? ..willing to do just about anything for him to show any kind of affection.
But you see, he would just be playing with a toy
because to him, thats all i represent
but i love him so i let him through me around
and stuff me in a toy box full of other used, dusty broken toys as he goes on playing with a new one he found because he got tierd of me...
so i just wait and watch as he thinks this used toy doesent see..
she shoots me down....
right in the heart..
so Your just perfectly wired,
aren't you!
with no blemishes or flaws or faults..
apparently your perfect
and i'm a worthless *******..
To you i do everything wrong
, i'm the opposite of right...
To you i'm not your friend! i'm just there!
...just there so you can bicker at me
and so you can have someone to prove wrong
i cant say one thing without you raising your gun
...taking your aim every time i speak...
*****...
i don't even  know why i even open my mouth....
I can feel my emotions have changed, and lingerd far from me,
Truth be told my focus has been blurred for far to long,
My words are twisted into a tight knot, i would deny it ..
My cold heart longs to go back to the fathers loving arms...
Yet my body longs to go back to wine coverd addictions...
But i rebuke that, i REFUSE to believe that i must go to addictions!
No longer will i be a slave to sin.
REJOICE, REJOICE
Once again i reach my hand in the cabnet
and i find myself lost searching for relif as ive already passed out on the floor....i
ve been searching for something greater...
but i knoow who i am in Christ
and i know i dont need alchohal....
but its an addiction already..
where do i seek guidence?...
i feel like everyone around me would only lose hope in me.
Thats why the truth kills me,
i know the truth in what im doing,
and what i should be doing..
This is something i wrote awhile back but i forgot to post it.
Unforgettable... the lyrics of Nat K. Cole play through my head.....
if only i could have seen her walk down the isle to that song....to my dad....to what was supost to be a commitment...
I start to choke up and my eyes get blurred from the tears, violently approaching my weary eyes..
I wish i would have seen it. i wish i could have watched everyone rise from their seats, as my mother took her graceful, sol-um steps down the isle to her beloved....
i wish i could have seen his astonished face, with teary eyes from being swept away by her beauty.... Unforgettable....
Bound connection
unspoken love
you cant even say i love you!
not even to your own daughter

the one im suppost to be able to trust with my heart
but i cant even speak to you,
without having to pay a price

they say everything happens for a reason...
well if everything happens for a reason,
what is the reason for this?
Here I am.
I've come along way.
And I'm still going, I will never quite.
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