i thought i'd date a poet
who'd sing me ballads and sonnets
of love, life and the glitters
of universe that showers comets

i thought i'd fall for a bad boy
who'd make me lose my balance
for whom i'd do stuff
that would put me off my semblance

i thought i'd love a stranger
and we'd talk for hours with our eyes
looking at each other's souls
for a little while longer

i thought i'd be heads over heels
for a guy who'd match my crazy
and together we'd get lost
in things that the world finds hazy

i thought i'd......live a different life
something out from a novel or movie
with lots of romance and rife
like elevator *** & making out in the lobby

but here i am with this amazing boy
who sees the real me and still loves me-indefinitely

he was my friend for two years
and the life-support i never thought i needed
from our mutual care for each other
-a love so sweet seeded

and now as i lay in his arms after periods of bliss
wonder i, how lucky i got when he decided to paste a kiss
on my lips, my neck, my shoulder, my hands
taking me to places and those unknown lands

we couldn't be any different, but we're same on so many levels too
i didn't know before him- to mean it, when i say "i love you"
and even if we don't work out and drift apart one day
i want him to remember that in my prayers, he shall always stay

as the sun goes down
and the moon takes it's place,
it enlightens the dark town
like a lover's warm embrace

i look for him in night's glow,
step - by - step i try to trace,
where and why did he go?
~taking away all my solace

i see nothing but twinkling stars
and a deep-dark cloudy face,
that stays hidden in a sky so far
reeking of monstrosity and menace

petrified and spooked i start to run
with fear coursing through my veins,
i find a beautiful house with no one
but a bleeding girl in gruesome chains.

she cries and asks for help,
but nobody listens when she yelps

so i walk towards her and freeze
when her hair are moved by the breeze

because i see none other than a younger me
who wails and shouts to be set free,
but i stay there for as long as i can see
crushed under his evil spell of profanity.

'he left me in dusk
and i waited for dawn,
burning in loathsome lust
he treated me like his pawn.


and now?

now i am back in the crowds
wrapped in solemn shrouds,
fighting for a life of love and care
devoid of nightmares and scare.

but my mind is no longer mine
scarred to the bones, i will never be fine
for i see illusions in my delusions
that even after all these infusions-
my head hurts and my healing heart pains
my love for my captor has driven me insane

i always thought i had it all figured out
and there wasn't anything to think about
all i wanted was my skin to be branded
and liked it a little rough-handed
but craved the aftercare
where
you'd caress the marks that you painted,
my pale pure skin with your tongue you tainted,
and then you'd hold me in your arms
help my heart beat calm
so that i could sleep in silence
with my mind at peace
keeping away all the ugly violence
so our bliss-bubble won't be breached
yet today i have learnt that i can't have both
if you'll be tender you won't be able to control
this wild blood that makes me do stuff
that is even more harmful than "poison puff"

either you will be sweet and sound
or you'll be an anti-hero with hounds
either your love will make me feel blessed
or with me you'll be obstinately obsessed
either you will want to be gentle with me
or you would help me see
that i am not sick for harbouring these desires
even though burnt, it's ohkay to long for fire

and this is what i don't get
because if i let
you in with no out
all i will do is panic
making our budding romance tragic
because i am a living breathing paradox
built of a spectacular range of blocks
wanting to be tamed
yet afraid
if i set this passion free
i will drown in lustful seas
but if i chain it in
i will be faking
so what should i do i don't know
be like water that goes with the flow
or be the storm i was born to be
scarring yet surreal in all its serenity?

are we all black bodies
giving as much as we take
like electrons in protons' company
creating energy by what we make
we attract only to repel later
we trust only to waiver
so why do we do things we'll regret
crying over all the time we've spent
it's so complex yet so simple
why does everything smooth has to have dimples?

i am at a bad place right now
don't ask me when where or how
i wish i could ask how you are
about your journey and your scars
but if i open that door to you again
i guess all i will cause is pain
what if i only want to talk for a day
and then be okay going our separate ways
i am pretty needy, hormonal you could say
so with our minds i wouldn't play
be wise and never respond or initiate
and be not fine with all the wait
for all i am and all i will ever be
is ******* .l.o.n.e.l.y.