i realized something when i was a teen
that i don't want a love that's sweet,
not something like a rom-com scene
with flowers and chocolate treats

i crave madness and craze
an obsession so still and strong
that his thoughts make me graze
my fingers to places that are wrong

the more i push him away
the more he makes me submit to his will,
that all my nights are his to play
with a mastery in twisted thrill

i want him to consume me
engrave himself on my skin
keep me bound yet set me free
in this profanity filled with sin

i want his rough hands on me
and his dark eyes on my soul,
for through his eyes do i see
how beautiful look i under his control

it's not something normal know i
wanting something so **** dangerous,
yet i feel that this broken guy
will be anything but treacherous

he will put my pieces back
and make me whole again,
because there's still something i lack
that has made me find pleasure in pain

i was always told how different am i
and this thought often made me cry
sick to my stomach because of my wants
i was afraid of what lurks inside the haunt...
.
.
.
and so i will leave this poem incomplete
just like i am
because with every ****** heartbeat
it's tougher and tougher to repeat-
"maybe i will find you one day
or else be lost forever,
because
i want it all
or i else i am okay with never"

there are places in history
that shall always remain a mystery
for the world will remain better
if those pages of past won't flutter

there are people of a tense
that we can't think of without blurring our lense
so why go back to them and cause pain
to both our souls again and again?

some chapters shall never be opened
and some books shall always remain closed
for we bury certain parts of our hearts
in order to scratch and start

but the itch to dig our own grave
to turn for just one last taste
of the lips we shouldn't crave
is wrong and will always be waste

going back, dear reader is our ultimate ruin
because the more we time travel,
the more we discover truths
that shouldn't have been unravelled

once we ****** a part of our past
move forward shall we always
and even when the dark shadows cast
we should still get through alone that day

but foolish are we humans with super stupid brain cells
still wanting to read those old greeting cards
we jump into our own death wells
and thus keep stopping by those haunted graveyards

a derogatory word says dictionary
an insult it is say
all the old books in the library
that i read the other day,

a closed mind and open legs
a desolate woman who sells herself
instead of choosing to work or beg,

the one found in brothels
and places no one speaks of
yet she's present on every man's intel
is something that makes me scoff!

why does "*****" sound so sad
but not when it is prefixed with "man"
is it because of boys who are bad
are fantasies of feminine future plans?

so dear reader ask you i
what does the word "*****" signify?
if you've ever been called one
to it, how did you reply?

half a page of hurt
and the other half of memories
all these words that i blurt
have you as my nemesis
what was i thinking when i let you in
or was i thinking at all
because since then all i have been
is a mess of flaws and falls
regret i deeply the moment i saw you
hate it when you smiled at me
because i had no clue
that i will be bound even as you let me free
why do i have this pathetic taste in men
since the beginning to the very end
some sing songs for me the others write
some make me feel good the others fight
some are direct as ****
the others simply try their luck
some want to be my forever
the others are happy with whatever
but all along i have  paid a hell lot of price
to be adored and attracted to is a vice
but you know what's even worse

-it's the inability to like someone who loves me and my ability to love someone who doesn't even like me

but one day no man will matter
none will i want to flatter
for i will be too busy making my dreams come true
so there'll be no place for the likes of you
and i will be the woman  who is-
super **** yet classy as hell
risen after everytime she fell
strong and stable
and extremely capable
-a  .s.u.p.e.r.w.o.m.a.n.
who'd never need a superman

what are we if not blemishes in a masterpiece

growing and glowing through all that we receive

broken our are souls and dark our are hearts

yet we learn to be at peace with all our parts

i miss your voice
and how it sounded in my ears
for its not by choice
that i don't get to hear
i miss the way you said my name
for i only heard it twice
is time to be blamed
or is the distance paying the price
just say something and send it to me
so i can touch you even when i can't see

what does it make me
when i kiss a stranger?
let him have his way with me
because i crave danger?

what does it make me
when i wear a short dress
pair it with tattoos and piercings
just to express and none to impress?

what does it make me
when i like to have fun
with a cig or a drink
in my leather jacket and messy bun?

what does it make me
when i sleep with a 100 men
and don't wait for a husband
to break my ******' *****?

what does it make me
when i like to stay alone
love or date nobody
and be happy on my own?

what does it make me
when i talk to guys for hours
listen to their stories
and try to heal their scars?

what does it make me
when i post **** pictures
of myself in a red lipstick
with cocktails and mixtures?

what does it make me
when i don't want babies or want five
because motherhood is a choice
and not just a means to survive

what does it make me
a ****, a ***** or something more gore?
a pretty girl you'd love to ****
and be done with once you tuck?
or a pure little submissive
with whom you can be dismissive,
a good wife who's got no drive
and on your mercy shall she thrive?

what does it make me, eh?
it makes me whoever the hell i want to be
a replica of a celebrity or plain ol' boring me
for i don't want the society to be my benefactor
i am enough for me and my perfectly imperfect character!

at the end of it all
all we are is mere dust
rising today for tomorrow's fall
to reside in earth's crust
we laugh we cry we hear we say
everyfuckingday
and pave our way
until we'll no longer stay
what gives life meaning is death
yet all we do is waste our breath
over anger and retribution
defying our very intuition

i wish i could love like the sun
truly and wholeheartedly
for he burns for the one and only one
who shall never be his devotedly
she bears children he didn't make
yet he sets his life for them
only to rise again and take
a father's role from the sky's hem
he shines his light so that she can thrive
a love so profound that it hurts
because he'll give his all and survive
watching her from the outskirts
and one day when he'll be old and gray
he'll be close to her yet far away

is this the end then?
when did this happen?
what led me to this place
when all i can do is rest my case
for i have no fight left in me
and all the fight has left me
thus, sit here i at this hour
caressing all my scars
counting all these stars
come have i a bit too far
and now there's no going back
everything's turning black
my sight and the night
for there's no rise of the sun anymore
just me and my mind after the before
silence and slow heart beat
a spirit mourning its defeat

i saw him fall for someone who wasn't me,
yet i wonder why everyone but him couldn't see?
so he found what i had discovered,
and today i sit back in my chair with my heart uncovered,
nothing like love can ever exist,
because love is nothing more than a chemicals' twist!