Påłpëbŕå

Påłpëbŕå Jul 2021

it's just been a day and few
since the last time i saw you
your face
your gaze
i miss so much
to your memories do i clutch
and hold on for so long
because thinking about your presence
makes me live through your absence
i am doing things i've never done before
i am going all in because i want more
i am taking this risk for sure
why?
because you're worth the effort, encore!

i guess, i figured out what i want..........the worst that can happen is that he can say NO or laugh at my expense.........but not showing him how i feel about him will make me regret even more..........so- let's see how things work out......i don't have much to lose, do i? a few tears, a piece of my heart and a lot of pride..........but he'll be totally worth it :)

Påłpëbŕå Jul 2021

difficult

i promised myself yesterday

i won't think of him any way

yet he is on my mind

and to my poems he is blind

he reads them daily without a doubt

that he's the subject to all my bouts

his ignorance is not my bliss

so letting this attraction go- my only wish

i don't know what to do

this is difficult

Påłpëbŕå Jul 2021

2220

i
always
knew
that
i
wasn't
attractive;
but
these
days
i'm
learning
that
i'm
repulsive
too

i guess it's time to finally let him go
gotta choose some self-pride

#stupid #embarrassed #confused #vent

Påłpëbŕå Jul 2021

the chase

my mom taught me when
i was a little girl at ten
to never chase after a guy
that often made me wonder why
because
naive I was
thought that if the boy i liked
didn't know he made my pulse spike
could end up with someone not me
so my interest in him should he see
but she was right like always
and now i sit here with rays
of died hope
which is difficult to cope
with the fact
that
he doesn't even know that I exist
then why should i persist?

it's unrequited, like always
get the memo ;p

Påłpëbŕå Jul 2021

Untitled

I don't know why
I'm writing at this hour
when all I want to do
is look at the stars
feel their warmth
and love their light
understanding darkness
by learning from the bright
I know I'm damaged
to an extent of no repair
but still a part of me
believes in human care
to be wanted for who I am
-a mess arranged in layers
hard to know, harder to love
but never a betrayer

I'm confused. I'm scared. I've been talking too much and feeling too much lately. I don't like this. But I cannot give up looking for him everyday. I can't give away my self-pride......and go all in because I know, like all other areas of my life, even here I am alone. Then why do unrequited feelings mess with my head? I didn't want him to look at me before, but now a small part of me thinks- how would it feel to be looked at? I know I'm not built for this stuff. Then why am I throwing myself at him? The question is...........why do I still like him? Why isn't this just like any other obsessions of mine? What if he likes someone else and I'm clueless?

Påłpëbŕå Jul 2021

yours|mine

i don't want much

just a moment to breathe you in

your silhouette to touch

not an inch more of skin

i don't long for your attention

i'm happy to see you happy

not an ounce of your affection

i want to let you be free

i am not after your best parts

just the ones you hide

the dark deep pieces of your heart

those i want you to in me confide

i am not aiming for your mind

just the glimpses of your thoughts

that have me so inclined

towards you in all sorts

i am that girl who can look at you all day long

but will never let these feelings prolong

for i can't look at you when you look at me

-i can't muster up the courage to be

~y o u r s

will it be fine
if i say that you're mine?

#cheesy

Påłpëbŕå Jul 2021

i don't want to want you

why can't i let you go?
let things be like before
before....
i saw you standing there
of my interest- unaware
with your friends in deep talks
that made me pause my long walks
you're trouble knows my heart
yet seeing you makes it start
with a beat so profound
that it makes sounds
for you to notice me too
and exchange a word or few
but I battle with my brain
attraction is something to refrain
for all i've known is pain
and i can't go through it again
i try to kick you out of my mind
yet in the corners do I find
you lurking there in deep
making me want to keep
looking for you everyday
yet stay shut without a say
because i know this through
i ain't the one you'll want
so i want to not want you
because your ghost will forever haunt
me and my stupid senses
that are making me type these sentences

I've never faced temptation this strong............and like all other aspects of my life, I'm all alone in this. Why can't I just go back to being aloof? I don't want more mess in my already messed up life.
This is nothing, just stress + hormones = chemical imbalance. I'm not the "romance in real life" type, yeah? Moreover, I am unlovable! So why can't I let him go? Why am I dreaming of him? Why is he up here in my head when I clearly know that I'm not in his head too?

#confused