on my mind at all times
my brain filled with emptiness
a single word to hold on to:
seclusion
isolation from anything that can be felt
in any way
I want to be alone

how much trauma can fit
inside of you between the gaps
before your nerves begin to fail
and your ventricles collapse;

a leash pulling your thoughts
behind a barbed wire fence
a muzzle to control your words
as a last line of defense;

a defective, broken down body
stemmed from a tortured mind
equals an futile unfinished sculpture
with a hollowed out inside

trust me when i say
the stains i left on your teeth were intentional
maybe the rose-colored blood on your hands
will teach you that you can’t claim me
because i am not yours to pick

rotten apples and roaches
covering the ground
that she sleeps on and dreams
about the day she is found

weighed down by the cement
he’d poured in her veins
that hasn’t yet dried
since it constantly rains

past the ****** skies
beyond the apple tree
the girl with the heavy heart
calls out to me

i can’t help but watch her
as she struggles to survive
when her body starts to decay
and she’s eaten alive

they called me a whirlwind
of tragedy and affliction,
a life controlled by suicide and addiction.
a corrupted mind plagued
with over-reliance and self-doubt
and that kind of self-destruction
the doctors have warned you about.
a constate state of numbness
the kind of sadness you don't see
all i wish for is what i will never have:
some sort of stability

my brain is a broken record
of memories i'd like to forget
my mechanic heart that has lost all ability to feel,
now only focuses on beating.
i've become a machine
living in routine
just to keep myself alive;
i'm simply a pulse and brainwaves with emotions to the side,
a cluttered and broken device
with an almost robotic lack of enthusiasm to keep me under control;
constant regulation
to make sure i stay numb,
to hide from the overwhelming pressure to deal with
my inferior humanlike
thoughts;
pull the plug