everything i write and wrote is ufcking **** and i hate it
i hate it i hate this i hate it

i love ****

today was closer than i have ever been

doesnt need to be anything else

im not anything im just alive

death is forever
life means nothing

idk that anything could matter more or less

i never wanted u to be something i couldnt loose
you lie now with a placating smile
empty words trying to convince me
that what u never proved is the truth

there isnt much time left

forgetting how to sleep

life is uncontrollably ****** up and there is nothing that can fix it

******* **** money destroys everything

when you are melted
put the needle in
you be the ****** and I will be your sins
and we will lose all inhibition that stopped this from the heart
turn to die in each others arms under violet revolving lights tirelessly dreaming on top of fallen stars
that would be real ******* art
I never claimed to be anything or an anybody in anyway
but know that when you read what I say
I mean it in every way, maybe not the meaning
Is what your really seeing
but it is real to me hopefully you find beauty
and I know ill always  be looking
and sometimes this **** is so much simpler than talking.
thank you for reading and I must do ******* nothing
******* and for the record the internet is destroying the world

idk
idk anything

where are u

white lights and vampires

more beautiful than anything alive

the cross is a latex bandaid falling off in a public pool
no one needs that **** and if u do you are weak or confused

stranded in hell with material wealth
try 1 more time brefore i shoot myself
i will never open my mouth again
take back your life and all of yourfriends

u talk about loosing faith when i never had any to begin with

sleep now

rather to be dead than to live like this how to fix it there is no way to fix it

i love people who spend hours on things that no one ever sees
maybe because its easy but idc i know they mean it

if i only knew

some old guy said hes gonna citzen arrest me yesterday for smoking **** outside targget  people are funny

this is not how i feel like only sometimes how i feel

cursed with something I never wanted and can’t get rid of

left out of dark to swirl with the sirens
ice cold is unchanging and fully reviving
the bottles have no shape or form they just continue to grow and grow
all over the counter, all over the sink, all over the bedroom floor;
my charcoal lungs are evaporating with alacrity
so now green is the only color i have to  stain things with
still my anxiety is snaking its sour umbra over everything  
that is sunlight to me
anything beautiful and breathing
its erasing me
my mouth is full of cat hair and ammonia from the dog ****
and the white on the floor is cancer
im convinced of it but we have no place to go
and maybe its too late to change it
i am slowly less aware of reality and dead, dead, dying in my dreams
my baby left me, crystal blue lips and seams
why would she walk onto the water
she isn't jesus and i am the furthest thing
i jumped onto the mirror and it shattered, the ice slit my throat
i grabbed frantically to push her above the water
but her paws were limp, she wasn't moving anymore
then she started to glow ghost rising
until the white clouds caressed her enveloping all
watching her while i descended like Lucifer returning to his throne
this spider is spinning on my shoulder im throwing him away
out the window out of my bed out of my home out of my life
his web is still attached to me and he is all that i see
biting nervous itching, id rather be at sea
i can show the world ugly if that is all they want to see
this spider is crawling all over me
im barely evident in my deprivation
and unable to stop swallowing poison
to give myself time to breathe
i dont know this child but hes pushing a cart in the snow
red eyes smiling, yellow wheels, green coat
he needs help // tell him where to go
i take him to his home and sit down at the table with his family
everyone is talking  and laughing
fork in the ham smoke from the ash tray in o's
shes drinking and smiling then she turns and looks to me
and my uncles ghost comes straight out her vibrating throat
and begins to eat her food while shes talking to me
im just looking around like what the **** is happening
the family is all smiling they dont notice him he doesn't notice me
but i can feel everything so i go to the bathroom
pull out my teeth one at a time and they are immediately regrowing
my uncle is shaving next to me doesn't notice or say a thing
walked back out onto the street laid on the pavement
closed my eyes and fell asleep

i just want to understand how to exist with nothing ******* else just a normal even life

anything

I bet if I gave all my love then id have nothing and you would tear me apart

i cant accept so many things that are part of reality what to do

humans arnt human just a weak imitation

how do u lie like being alive

i just want people to understand this is my ******* art i really truly appreciate everything anyone says to me honestly but nothing anyone says or does is going to change the way i am or the way i think i dont need or want anything i just need to do this for myself

the place where what u want and what i need come together does not exist

watching someone you care about suffer there is nothing worse

religion keeps people blind and content with the things they dont want to think about or acknowledge as reality

dont mistkae lack of trust for lack of confidence they are not the same thing

starving for something real

y is hell is here
the door stays unopened
and i dont know where i am

Health care proffesionals and capitalism don’t mix

poor
lots of problems from the past
no vision for the future
(and she says burden worthless complainer not worth my time)
/same person/same people

gets job
slowly fixes problems from the past
unhappy but has conscious plan for the future
(and she says love of my life)

                  same person
i am
                    are u

         i know i am

and were u ever

just sitting here watching it happen and there is nothing i can do