need to find a job today

good night

i am a writer and i dont need to hide it anymore its just sad that it had to come to me like this at the end

sleep sleep sleep
sad sad       sad

im desperately trying to fight this
no one is going to give me pills
i dont want to be helped
because i need to know that a human being alone can make it

idk u
idk anything

im so happy to see everyone continue to grow through all this horrible ****** up **** im seeing

i feel so overwhelmed by all the sadness i surrounded myself with everyday for so long it hurts me that all these people are hurting and idk how to help

god i love my cats i would die for them

im scared to read your emails because it could be the last thing you say to me before you sleep

i put all my energy all of everything feeling inside of me into everything and everyone except for the person sleeping next to me

some people are meant to be with another person some people are okay alone
not that its anything i need to live its just something that makes me whole

nothing has ever felt worse than this

i dont know if i can make it through this but i love u so i have to try and do it

sleeping without u is horrible doesnt feel like sleeping

hurts so bad

now we have to talk like this instead of face to face like it should have been and i will do anything i have to to fix this

i wish i could explain any of this im not expecting forgiveness i just need to say now what i couldnt say before to try and live

i did a lot of ****** up **** and said it but i am not holding on to it anymore i cant take back what happened or where i was at when i said it
and i have to try and move forward

this isnt for anyone this is for me now finding something that does matter

i am not hateful if u know me u know that i just lost sight of everything that matters

life is a burden so we work towards what is after not knowing where we are going

someday every1 will feel the way u and i feel

******* doing this inspite of what happens to my life thats how i know its real

i jus want love like it really can be like
nothing else matters to me
how it has been or how it could be

vampire queenvampire queen

going to be myself from now own and whatever happens happens

need to do this the right way or it will never be worth anything if it can ever be at all

everything i ever respected or believed comes out in what you say

u are beautiful and amzing nothing will ever change that

im sorry sometimes i cant keep away anymore

going to make this right

where are u
i dk where i am either

this is past present and future
u should know ive always seen the last next to you and no matter where u are and i am i love u for what u are and ill never forget this strange connection that made me feel alive again

i have nothing to give to anyone except for what is inside of me someday i will have more but if it isnt enough now u never deserved it anyways

fighting this everyday for too long when i know its right and i gave up because i was too weak to keep trying somethings are just connected regardless of what u feel about me so many things i cant believe that you said because its exactly what im thinking

dont expect me to care now when everything is going good when u never cared from the beginning

i have to figure out what is wrong so i can destroy this
and go and be where i need to be

it just comes down to what you value i would rather be homeless and in love than rich and empty and u dont feel the same way

whatever it is i deserve more than this ****

so many people raised and taught to be cold and calculating instead of caring and understanding

when someone i give myself to looks at me i want to feel love in their eyes

some peoples hearts are to full of money and success in society to feel what love is at all
and they hurt the people who they leave behind never understanding why it bothers them

the empty that ur feeling is the living ive been feeling for

i love constantly
and that can never change

i still have things to say

thnkful for everyone that writes to me everyone that gives their time to me

this is the beginning of the end of everything

lit a blunt and forgot the world exists

i dont know anything that ever made me feel better without even being close at all just by what you say i love u i love u