Every day I am changing.
I was so lost.
So far gone.
Then there you were.
You saved me.
When I needed to save myself.
Every ounce of effort that I put into fixing myself was for you.
And instead of fixing myself, I broke you, too.
And you poured yourself into me, hoping to fix all the cracks.
And I had nothing to give back.
And soon enough, even you didn't make me smile anymore.
Everything went black.
Instead of falling in love with you, I fell in love with sadness.
And the sadness consumed me,
Like it hadn't eaten in years.
My eyes didn't light up anymore.
My skin became dull.
But there you were,
And you still tried to save me.
But even you became tired.
And you couldn't try to save me anymore.
And I'm sorry.
Today I will save you while I try to save myself.
And tomorrow I will only save myself while you try to save yourself.
Because every day I'm changing.
I am changing for you.
But I am mostly changing for me.

Oh, how I love Autumn.
The moon was bright and the wind was cold.
You made me feel warm, you were the only one I liked to hold.
Here is where I wanted to be when we grew old.
You would smile and I would whisper in your ear, how I happy I was to be here.
We would sit here for hours under this beautiful tree.
As the leaves died, so did we.
I would sit here alone, staring at our tree.
Your eyes didn't sparkle when you smiled at me anymore.
You left me. You left me and fell for some *****.
So I gave myself a slash on each ******* wrist and I replayed our story in my head.
I didn't get a chance to put it on paper because I was already dead.

Black and white.
Black and white.
Every thought, every emotion.
Black and white.
Black and white.
All I feel is black and white.
Highs are too high.
Lows are too low.
Trapped between two worlds.
Two minds.
One heart.

I was thinking today,
About how funny life is.
I was thinking about the struggles;
And how lonely this world gets.
I was thinking about the sun rising every day;
And I was wondering what has kept me here.
We get so lost in the chaos and the catastrophe
That we forget about what's beautiful.
The sun rising every day is beautiful.
The moon that sits in the sky at night is beautiful.
Being alive, it can be beautiful.
And most people are too bitter to remember that.
Fall in love with life.
Embrace what the universe has to offer.
Embrace what the universe can take away.
It's okay to not feel okay.
It's okay to be alive.

We didn't make it to four;
I will never forget the summer that I fell in love.
It was you and me, us against the world.
A secret club and only we had the key.
Every touch, every kiss, every moment was well spent and filled with bliss.
And even though I moved away and you moved on;
I know that what we had was real
And all of our memories are still there,
And I believe that somewhere we are still together and we are still making memories;
And we are still in love.
Although you may not think of me anymore,
You will always be my summer.

I wonder what it feels like to look at a razor blade and see it as just a razor blade.
Not an object to hurt myself with.
Not the weapon that almost ended my life.
Just a razor blade.

Breathe in. Breathe out.
Pull hair back.
Put on lipstick.
Fix eyeliner.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Adjust skirt.
Cover scars.
Tie shoes.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Don't lose control.
Don't lose control.
Don't lose control.

I am a storm that destroys everything in it's path. I will love you and obsess over you and then I will push you away because I will get bored of you.

Dear Future Partner;
I am like the sea. I am calm and beautiful until something becomes difficult. I will drown you in my sorrows and force you to feel my agony.

Dear Future Partner;
I am like a flower. I will plant my roots into your heart and I will let you rip off my petals one by one until I have nothing left to grow for you.

Dear Future Partner;
I am the wind on a cold winter day. I will suffocate you. My bite will chill you to the bone; and like the winter, my grey days will make you grow tired of me.

Dear Future Partner;
I am the sun on a warm summer day. I will give you my warmth. I will wrap you in my arms and let you soak me into your skin.

Dear Future Partner;
If you want to fall in love with me... Don't.

I look at myself in the mirror and I do not recognize what I see.
Those eyes,
They are not mine.
They are empty and cold.
I am not who I once was.
Maybe I am in a dream.
This person is not who I am supposed to be.

I always wondered
What it would be like to stare at the sky
And be at peace with the demons in my head.
I always wondered
What it felt like to wake up every day
With a peace of mind.
I always wondered
How other people feel when they wake up.
Do the dread the day ahead of them?
Do they feel anxious?
Do they slap on a fake smile, too?
I always wondered
Why am I the way I am
And why haven't I gotten better.
And maybe I'm not supposed to get better.
But maybe... Just maybe, I am.