Pain is the secrets you keep
from those you love
Pain is your only connection
to this world
Pain is a friend
Pain is known to hurt
Pain is a warning
Pain isn't fair
it tells the wreckless
Oh don't you dare

Pain is an emotion
Pain is love
it doesn't need a commotion
to try and break our hearts

I'll stay on one side
you stay on another
and I'll think about why,
We aren't made for each other
In darkness I'll cry,
while you've found another
our love was meant to die
you threw me in the gutter
I ask myself why
we were drifting further
we were close at night
though you called me your brother
by day, as i walked by,
you held another
guess they needed one fine
and one ugly to befriend each other
So I'll just stay on my side
and you should find another

And i think I'm a disease
the Kaitlyne-virus
I'm disgusting and I bring pain
I latch on and live off
I'm self-centered
and feed off

Get away from her everyone
friends and family first
she is highly contagious
especially if you're allergic to dust

Only the pain I cause isn't on others
its myself
or so it seems.
I **** poison,
I'm trying to help

Why does no one see that?

I'm a lone floating bacterium
I don't belong here
I should be used to this
or at least see it coming,
but I'm shocked

I'm shocked when they
call me a monster,
taken aback when they can't
even look me in the eye
When they act like they can't love me,
everything I do is a sin
in their eyes,
I hate it when I can't hate them,
cos I love them still. Resent
that they can't love me
shocked that, the first chance they get,
Gulp goes the vaccine

I could end it there, but I
have much more to say. Generally I
ask, why does it have to be this way,
Why are you so quick to get rid of me,
like how you would, if you
got your hands *****,
with ****, no t.p

It's made me question whether
its all my fault. or if I'm delusional.
I mean its happened countless times
it can't be coincidental.
And somehow I never see it coming
like a bird flying into a window
thump, thump, thump
goes my head. I did it again
what a fcking dump

Strangers to lovers to
strangers again.
That's how they say it goes
it's expected
everyone knows
somehow I though you were different
you sure acted so
Didn't treat me like a princess
maybe a friendly ***.
No but honestly,
you treated me just right,
While everyone was too hard or too soft,
too hot or too cold.
Maybe it was all a fat lie
but yuo'on strike me as
the type. I'm told
I'm told by you, those close,
my friends, them too

That I should put myself  before
others. You gave
me that opportunity
friends? or lovers?
friends don't act this way
and definitely not the latter.

Imagine you wake up on a bus.
you don't know why you got here
but you know how,
through that door.
You look around, confused
where is everyone?
You hear but can't see.

Where you're going, you don't know.
where you came from.
no idea.
This is--
you are interrupted by
a very uncomfortable
turbulence,
You're hurt. When you think its all okay,
it hits you again
And again
Suddenly it's not about if it will stop, it's
about when will it happen again?

This is ridiculous!
You shout, exclam,
while kicking around in your chair
come to find you're actually bound
you stop. Out of fear you can't bear
cos if you finally break free,
what's waiting for you out there?

You sorta just accept
and persevere.
You gaze out the window
ignore what you hear.
the beauty unfolds
laughter and life
sadness and death
and love.

Every one has their significant other,
a soulmate,
be it friend or lover.

But you realise,
you want what these people have
the magic they own.
could be a ticket out of this
ride, or a
remedy to these bumps.

That person is me.
𝐼 want what they seem to enjoy.
I want to stop worrying
about the next rough patch
and instead enjoy moment
with one I can touch.
Not just anyone,
my one
A new world that hatchs

You get to continue living
and I'm struggling to survive
think of who you've been kissing
I'm tryna stay alive
you broke my heart, you
know that?
it wasn't even yours to break
funny how I feel this way,
we didn't even yet date.
Now I'm the wingman
while you try bag my friend
I almost wanna hop afront a van
and wait for a sweet, quick end.

I'm considering
getting her before you do
wag her in your face
like the dogs do,

but I'm also lying to myself
saying I never felt anything
that I'm just sad for our friendship
but it wouldn't hurt the way it does
when you look at her
how I wish you'd look at me

But you can't feel what's not there
and can't ignore what is

You broke my heart,
and I'll let you do it again
if I can be the spotlight on your stage,
be your princess again
were not on the same page,
if you call me a fool
I want me on your mind
while you use that pen
and write me a ballard

I miss how you awed at my
bare skin
and called it perfection
you lifted me up, only
to leave me hanging
and let me down,
you had me feeling, hot
and bothered,
then flipped a switch
and now I'm shocked.

All you did was talk,
how you'd never wanna lose
me but you'd give me up
to trade for a higher
bid coin
All bark and no bite
and a pretty-looking
groin

I was sure you were
the diamond in the trough
known as my life
but if anything you're
fine carbon
and I'm a shrine

I'll just learn how to walk
again if not for you
breathe again
not because of flu
walk without searching for your
eyes in a room
I'll just learn to be someone else's
princess, even if
not my own
light up someone else's theatre
to reveal a home

Or I'll just be happy all alone,
but I just need you
out of here
because I don't know
where to put you but let you in
and I can't do that
because I'll start to feel
and you'll lie
and I'll cry
you'll live
and I'll die.

So atta boy, go get her
I'll go get mine
bottom line is
I don't care who you find,
how long it takes
we're on the same planet
but two parallel worlds,
couple years, couple days
for now
we each go separate ways

Silence and tears
are words used to describe
how I feel.
Well, I've got many fears, my
only escape is ****

I feel like I was
thrown in a roller coaster
with blindfolds on my eyes
this big scary coaster,
coaster called life.
There are ups and downs
as everybody knows
but sometimes,
I don't know, I feel afloat.
I lose my bearing,
I can't tell if I'm happy or sad,
good or bad.
this or that

or maybe it's a merry-go-round
that's not so merry
where life goes round
in a seemingly very
unsettling way
I know where it goes from here,
right down that road
I can predict this, like
an opera that's soap
Only there's no one at my fair,
it's just me. All the others' fairs are,
filled to the brim.
Yet one person
waits eagerly at the stands,
one horse lies in wait
that person is me,
while the popcorn goes stale

This lonely child in tears,
echoed laughter from far hears
over the fence, in the
neighbours' fair
are her way less lonely peers

All she has to herself
are thoughts,
and memories that
bounce of these very walls
Letting herself overthink,
she puts down her lollipop
remembers how by the swings,
she and just four
had the time of their lives.

But one by one
they began exiting
to go and play on other people's
swings
And suddenly my fair is empty again,,
rid of animals and friends
nobody still visits the zoo, I wonder,
was it my fault, or is it you?

These walls are not the only thing enclosing me
a cage sits in my mind,
growing tighter and tighter
And I somehow feel them on my arms

The bars, sinking into my skin,
restricting my breath
while gas steals in,
suffocating me with stealth

Through the metal,
I somehow see their eyes
through the dark
I can feel their smiles.

It's like I'm in a fist
A closed one that,
tightens
with every move.

The paralysis sets in,
my limbs go numb
I cower in fear
As I see the thumb
It's the last nail in
my coffin.
I think, leme stop moving.
It will pass
I'll be alive
That's a big ask

I have to hold it in,
my breath, my voice, my thoughts
my chances are slim
How'd I get caught?